Day 93: When the Mind Begins to Settle
Yin Yoga, trauma healing, and why I suddenly feel capable again
Last night I taught a Yin Yoga class for my in-person 200-hour YTT group. I don’t normally do the poses with them, but some students said they were used to teachers practicing alongside them, so I joined in. It was a 60-minute yin sequence followed by a 21-minute Reiki meditation.
I think it was the first time I’ve practiced Yin since the assault.
For those who don’t know - Yin is slow, meditative, and deeply internal. The poses are held for several minutes and target the connective tissues of the body - fascia, joints, bones. But really, Yin asks you to stay. To be with what is. It draws you out of doing and into being.
It’s the perfect practice for trauma recovery. And yet, it’s also the hardest - because stillness reveals what movement can distract us from.
After class, I stayed for dinner with the group, then rode my motorbike home through the rain. I ran a hot bath, and as I lay there, something hit me. My throat hurt. My nose started running. I got a deep, sudden cough.
In the bathtub within a few minutes…. I came down with something. I don’t think I’ve ever had this experience - to suddenly feel so sick with no warning signs. ChatGPT tells me it's not uncommon - many viral infections strike fast when your immune system winds down at night.
And yet this morning, I felt fine when I woke up. It was as if through the yin practice and the sudden sickness, something shifted. I had one of the most productive days I’ve had since the trauma.
I joined a Sober in the City Arizona team meeting (PS—still a few spots open!), then led my online Yoga Sutra Study class. We discussed abhyāsa and vairāgya—practice and detachment.
Later, I had a one-on-one with Rolf. He had asked us in class yesterday to share our favourite sutras. I chose YS 1.6–1.11, which center on the vṛtti-s, the fluctuations of the mind. No surprise to anyone following my work lately - they’ve been my obsession all year.
Rolf reminded me that all vṛtti-s lead to suffering, because each one is rooted in the illusion of a separate self. Even the "good" thoughts can trap us in identity and misidentification.
After the call, I went to an ACA Loving Parent meeting, took a walk in Ubud, and then sat down to work - like really work.
In one afternoon, I finally migrated a lot of my Substack from The Daily Dharma to Sober Yoga Girl, dealt with the audiobook roadblock, and even designed stickers for the Arizona retreat goodie bags.
A few days ago, I was worried I’d lost my spark for this work. I hadn’t published podcast episodes I’d recorded in almost four months, I avoided fixing the audiobook glitch, and I left the Substack migration on the backburner for months. It felt like I was capable of nothing whenever I sat down at the computer to try to work. I started to question if I even wanted to keep doing this online yoga business.
But I’ve realized: my brain wasn’t broken. It was healing.
🧠 Why It’s So Hard to “Do Work” Right After Trauma
After trauma, the brain doesn’t prioritize creativity or productivity - it prioritizes safety.
The amygdala becomes hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger.
The prefrontal cortex, your logic and decision-making center, often goes offline.
The hippocampus, which organizes memory and time, can shrink or become less functional.
That’s why in the first few months, things feel disjointed, foggy, and slow. You aren’t lazy or failing. You’re adapting.
Even learning Bahasa became frustrating for me - I had a sudden drop in my retention and motivation. My teacher scolded me on a recent call, and I ended up getting frustrated and ending the class early. But it clicked afterward, when I was speaking on the phone to Raja Haiku (Otherwise known as: Mr. Mimpi Indah, Habibi (My Love in Arabic), The Approaching-Boyfriend (Boyfriend in Waiting), Mr. Vritti, Mr. Jack Pot, Mr. Meditation, Rocket Man, Mr. Mantra, The Meow-ditator, The Rational Mystic, Burrito Boy, the-guy-i-like-that-i-feel-safe-with, him (the crush).
Of course my brain couldn’t keep pace. It was in survival mode.
🌿 What Helped Me Shift
It wasn’t forcing productivity - it was:
Being held in a Yin space.
Teaching with love and presence.
Letting my body move slowly into rest, then into action.
Sitting with my vṛtti-s instead of judging them.
YS 1.2 reminds us, “Yogaś citta-vṛtti-nirodhaḥ.” Yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind.
And in that stillness - tadā draṣṭuḥ svarūpe avasthānam - we begin to see clearly.
Today, things felt clear again.
🌕 The Daily Dharma → Sober Yoga Girl Transition
This will be my last post at The Daily Dharma. Going forward, all of my writing will be hosted at my new Substack, Sober Yoga Girl (Alexandra McRobert). It’s an old name that’s getting some new life breathed into it!
The reason I’ve wanted to make this transition, is because the Daily Dharma was something I created for my Instagram Addiction recovery in January. I never expected it to grow and become such a big part of my work, and morph meaning over time! You, my readers, have now come with me on a journey through technology addiction to divorce recovery to sexual assault to India to Abu Dhabi and everywhere in between. It is so much more than the Daily Dharma and it’s become my favourite thing to create.
With a number of paid subscribers and almost 100 posts, its taking on a life of it’s own. I want my Substack to be a hub where people can find me online and connect to my work. The Daily Dharma felt too obscure and unrelated to my community I’ve built for the last six years - Sober Yoga Girl & The Mindful Life Practice. So I’m making this shift to be more in line with the rest of my offerings.
I also want to offer better and more organized community offerings for all of you - which has given me this idea, to merge a few things into one!
So what does this mean?
If you’re already a paid subscriber to the Daily Dharma, nothing changes. Once the subscriber import is complete, I’ll make sure that you’re now part of the 🌸 Sādhanā Circle, where you’ll receive premium essays and behind-the-scenes reflections.
If you’re a Mindful Life Practice member on the website, you will be added to the 🌕 Sutra Sangha on my Substack, which includes live Zoom calls where we explore yoga philosophy in community.
💻 Upcoming May Offerings for the Sutra Sangha (Theme: Vṛtti Awareness)
🧘🏽♀️ May 4th: Grounding Practice for Mental Clarity (asana + nidra) - 9:00am EST, 9:00pm WITA
🧠 May 10/11: Meditation Circle – Exploring the Five Vṛtti-s (YS 1.2, 1.6) - May 10th at 8:00pm EST, May 11th at 8:00am WITA
🪷 May 14: Asana Practice – Observing the Vṛtti-s in Motion - 7:30am EST | 7:30pm WITA
🔎 May 25: Discussion – Disidentifying from the Mind (Tadā draṣṭuḥ svarūpe avasthānam, YS 1.3) May 25 at 8:00am WITA, May 24 at 8:00pm EST
All sessions will be recorded for those who can’t attend live.
If you aren’t yet a paid member, subscribe at alexandramcrobert.substack.com to get involved. And if you are already a paid member, then don’t worry about anything - I’ll take care of the transfer for you in the next few days!
Thank you for walking this path with me. The stillness is where the wisdom lives - and I’m so grateful to be here with you as we soften, witness, and begin again.
With love,
Alexandra
Sober Yoga Girl
Thanks for sharing! Just subscribed
Yay! Exciting stuff. I’ll be looking into joining the mindful life as well, if I can swing it, once you get everything settled.