Day 87: When the Dharma Becomes Not-So-Daily
The Daily Dharma hasn’t been so daily lately.
I didn’t think anyone would notice until a few people reached out to ask if everything was okay. “I’ve been missing the daily dharmas,” they said. “Where did you go?”
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Where did I go?
I think it’s been about a week since I last wrote. And in that time, a few things happened.
First, I stopped feeling that burning urge to write every single day. And this coincided with hitting my 100-day milestone of being off Instagram. If you’ve ever been through addiction recovery, you know this timing tracks. The 90- or 100-day mark is a well-known turning point in the journey of letting go.
Here’s why that milestone matters in recovery, whether it’s alcohol, social media, or any numbing behaviour:
The Power of the 100-Day Mark
Breaking the Habit Loop
Research suggests it takes around 66 to 100 days to rewire the brain. Around this time, you start to feel more stable, grounded, and mentally clear. You’re not just abstaining anymore. You’re living differently.Building Structure and Support
In 12-step circles, there’s the “90 meetings in 90 days” suggestion. This is not for perfection, but for rhythm, community, and healing momentum.Emotional Sobriety Begins to Land
The early days are about physical and mental detox. Around 90 days, the emotional waves become visible. And you start to develop the tools to ride them.A Spiritual Window Opens
This is when deeper shifts begin. Clarity. Purpose. A reawakening of dharma. Sometimes, we catch a glimpse of what we’re really here for.A New Identity Forms
You’re no longer just “someone who quit.” You’re becoming someone who lives free. There’s grief in that. And joy. And a new sense of self.
So yes, the Daily Dharmas paused. But they didn’t disappear.
They were being lived.
Life Got Full
Since I last wrote:
I became faculty at a Yoga Teacher Training here in Ubud, teaching the Yoga Sutras every afternoon in person - my life’s passion.
I’ve also been teaching daily yoga at Jane Ballard’s therapy-infused retreat (and soaking in her wisdom).
I launched two new zoom Sutra Study groups - one for North Americans, one for Europeans.
I opened two new 200-Hour Online YTT cohorts. Again, one for North Americans and one for Europeans.
I began building a rooftop yoga shala at my home (progress pics below!)
And I’ve had my soul sister Jenn visiting and staying at my house here in Bali, so I’ve been spending time with her!
So yes…. life got really busy. And all the while, my inner world has continued to quietly navigate the aftershocks of my sexual assault and I witnessed shifts in myself.
The Disidentification with Prakriti
A huge change in myself that I’ve noticed over the last few months in particular is that I’ve experienced a huge disidentification with the material world (what Patanjali called Prakriti). Most people identify with Prakriti, and this is the root of their suffering. They identify with their bodies, their cars, their relationships, their jobs. (I know because I did this for many, many years. And even when I intellectually studied this differentiation, it still hadn’t passed from an intellectual experience to a lived experience for me until very, very recently.)
How did this shift happen? I think it happened right around phase two of my trauma recovery. I noticed traumatic thoughts, and flashbacks, that were so strong that I had to do something to alleviate myself from them. Because I couldn’t keep thinking them. The suffering was too strong. And I had to heal myself if I wanted to continue to hold space and teach yoga.
So I actively practiced finding the present. Every time I experienced a flashback or the imagination, I noticed the narrative, and stopped the narrative. I became aware of the vrittis, the thought spirals. I practiced finding the present. Can I listen to the sounds around me? Can I see the plants around me? Can I feel my breath? Can I feel my heartbeat? This practice of finding the present helped me disidentify and disengage with Alexandra’s story. Alexandra’s past. Alexandra’s future. And helped me find the moment. And this practice has created a shift in me.
The shift is the felt experience of something I’ve intellectually understood for years:
I am not Prakriti.
Prakriti is everything that changes: my body, my stories, my circumstances, even my name.
Purusha is what doesn’t change.
Purusha is my soul.
Purusha will come with me through this lifetime, and the next. Purusha is not Alexandra. It’s something bigger and more than that.
For me to emotionally survive what happened in February, I had to disidentify from Prakriti. I had to disidentify with Alexandra. I had to intellectually say: That was Alexandra’s body. That was Alexandra’s story. That was not my Self.
Self with a capital S. That’s the Purusha, the spirit, that was placed inside the body of Alexandra, to live this life and learn these lessons.
I say to myself:
Neti, neti. Which, in Sanskrit means, not this, not this.
And through that practice I feel as though I’ve experienced a huge shift, one that I’ve only intellectually spoken about in the past.
In the last two months, this teaching from Patanjali has gone from an intellectual concept to a lived, felt experience. I’m no longer just reading about the Seer - I’m remembering I am the Seer. I am feeling that I am the Seer.
And that’s directly translated to many of my daily experiences. I no longer find I’m offended when someone gives me negative feedback. I no longer find I’m hurt or feel rejected when I become vulnerable and don’t get the response I was seeking. I no longer personalize other people’s stories. I feel their pain and I see their suffering but I no longer take it on the way I used to. Because all of it is made up. It’s a movie. It’s not real. Prakriti is just here for me to learn the lessons I was placed in this body to learn.
Part of this is helpful and part is unhelpful. For example, I find it difficult to prioritize things that are part of the material world these days…. Everything just feels less urgent than it did before. (Which is creating a problem for my business, lol). What matters feels like meeting the moment. Sitting with people I love. Helping them process their stories so they can be relieved from them and disidentify with them. The way I moved through and disidentified with my own.
Sutra Study: The Cause of Suffering, and the Path to Freedom
This past weekend in my advanced Yoga Sutra class, we studied this exact area of teaching where this idea is looked at in depth. It’s a profound section of the text: Sutras 2.17–2.27, which describe how suffering comes from false identification (basically, thinking you’re Prakriti) and how freedom comes through discerning knowledge (viveka).
Here’s what we explored:
2.17 – The cause of suffering is the misidentification of the Seer with the Seen.
→ Suffering is when we look out into the material world and identify with it.
2.18 – The world exists for your experience and liberation.
→ All events exist for us to learn. The hardest events can become the path to your awakening. (That’s what I’m finding, right now, in my own lived experience).
2.19 – Everything in Prakriti is constantly changing.
→ Your pain is not permanent. It’s temporary. Healing is not only possible - it’s already underway. Your joy is also not permanent.
2.20 – The Seer is pure consciousness.
→ No matter what’s happened, the real you remains untouched. Because that’s your Purusha, your soul.
2.21–2.22 – The Seen exists to help the Seer awaken.
→ Even suffering has the potential to open a door to the soul. Every single event that happens to you is here to help you move closer to enlightenment.
2.23–2.24 – False identification comes from ignorance (avidya).
→ Avidya is spiritual ignorance, or losing a sense of faith. When we believe in God, or Spirit, or the Universe, we can come closer to identification with the truth (Purusha) and not Prakriti (the material world).
2.25 – Liberation begins when ignorance dissolves.
→ Once you remember to belive in conciousness (a higher power such as God, Spirit, or the Universe), then you start working towards freedom from the cycle of suffering.
2.26 – The path is unwavering discernment.
→ Healing is the practice of remembering, over and over again, who you truly are (Purusha). You have to keep disidentifying with Prakriti in order to see your soul.
2.27 – Wisdom unfolds in stages.
→ Liberation isn’t instant. It will unfold over time, through studies and practice. That is what I am experiencing now. I’ve studied this for so many years and for the first time it feels like it’s truly, deeply, coming into practice.
My Healing, My Practice
There was a moment in February, when speaking about what happened to me, I said:
“This is really fucking up my spiritual practice.”
Now, I see it differently.
It is not fucking up my spiritual practice. My assault is my spiritual practice.
Each small shift is part of my spiritual practice.
Can I disidentify with Prakriti? Can I identify with Purusha? And I see myself doing that more and more every day, even when I don’t personalize rejection or criticism, and I say “what is this teaching me?” “What is the dharma of this moment?”
This practice is, for the first time, becoming an automatic thought instead of something I have to intellectually remind myself to do. And these are my quiet dharmas. These are my Daily Dharmas. These are my progress markers.
A Final Reflection
I’ve been listening to this hauntingly beautiful album called The Inner Work by St. Finnikin (recommended by Jenn!). One lyric struck a chord:
“What if karma’s more like a loving teacher?”
What if everything - every heartbreak, every trauma, every pause in writing - is just another lesson? What is this teaching me?
My suffering is real, but what is the teaching from it?
Not because I deserve pain, but because I am meant to grow.
I hope to keep showing up for these lessons. And sharing them with you.
The Daily Dharma may not be daily right now in written form. But it is alive in my lived experience each day.
And I’m walking it, with you.
With love from my rooftop shala,
Alexandra
I am so excited to be featured in this year’s Sober Summit.
No matter where you are on your sober journey, we all need motivation, support, and connection to keep moving forward.
That’s why I’m beyond excited to announce that I’m a speaker at The Sober Summit—a FREE 3-day virtual event happening April 23-25 for gray area drinkers who want to break free from alcohol and start living a fun and fulfilling alcohol-free life.
At The Sober Summit, you’ll walk away with:
✅ The knowledge and tools to make sobriety easier and more sustainable
✅ Confidence to navigate social life, relationships, and personal growth without alcohol
✅ A fresh perspective on the incredible life waiting for you beyond drinking
I’m honored to be one of 24 incredible speakers—including top authors, podcasters, experts, and influencers from the sober community—who are here to share powerful insights and real-life experiences to support your journey.
In my session, I’ll be speaking on [presentation topic], and I can’t wait for you to hear it!
Plus, you’ll hear from some powerhouse speakers, including:
🎤 Karolina Rzadkowolska
🎤 Andy Ramage
…and many more!
The best part? It’s free!
Click this link to grab your free ticket and join us for this incredible event!
What are you most excited to learn at The Sober Summit? Drop a comment and let’s talk about it—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Upcoming Programs
🌴 May 25–31 Sober Yoga & Meditation Retreat in Bali – a few rooms left!
👉 Book Your Spot
🧘🏽♀️ July 2025 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali - hybrid almost sold out!
👉 Join Us Here
🧘🏽♀️ September 2025 300-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali
👉 Join Us Here
2026 Retreat Waitlist
The 2026 retreat schedule is starting to shape up. Heres’ what’s coming:
India - Sober Women’s Adventure to India (The Golden Triangle and Goa Holi Retreat) Sign up here to get on my waitlist for when we drop info!
Bali - Nyepi/Ogoh Ogoh Retreat for Men and Women - Meditation & Yoga Retreat with me and Rory Kinsella end of March 2026. Sign up here to get on my waitlist for when we drop info!
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.