Day 86: Meeting People Where They're At
When I took my 300-hour Yoga Teacher Training, my teacher said something that stuck with me deeply:
“Meet people where they’re at, not where you are.”
I remember repeating this during the first 200-hour training I ever taught. One student asked me if I meant we should go to people's houses to teach yoga. I laughed and said, “No - not physically. What it means is, meet people at their level of understanding, not yours.” Teach where they are, not where you are.
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
I genuinely believe that this is the hallmark of a great teacher: the ability to communicate something so clearly that even a kid could understand it. That’s when you know you’ve really understood it yourself.
This week, I’ve had a string of moments that reminded me how vital it is to meet people where they’re at.
The Spiral of Learning
When it comes to teaching or learning, everyone enters from a different place. I learned this concept years ago as The Spiral of Learning. It taught me that:
Learning is not linear.
People don’t all start in the same place and end in the same place and progress at the same rate. Instead, learning loops and spirals.We all begin at different points.
Some first graders come in to grade one already knowing how to add and subtract because an older sibling taught them. Others may be starting from scratch. We called this PK in my teaching education (Prior Knowledge).Our rate of progress varies.
Some kids may learn slowly due to challenges at home or cognitive differences. Others may pick things up quickly. No one moves through the spiral at the same pace.We often revisit things.
Mastery requires repetition. That’s why people retake my Yoga Sutra classes again and again - you learn something new every time.
In any learning space, this shows up as a range: people who know more, and people who know less about every subject. As a teacher, it’s a delicate balance to hold space for both. Sometimes, what happens is I get students in my classes who know a lot about the Yoga Sutras (which is beautiful), but can struggle to hold space for classmates who are just beginning.
The Spiritual Ego
Those who are further on a spiritual path sometimes experience the spiritual ego, which I encounter sometimes in the yoga world.
It’s when the ego clings to a spiritual identity.
Instead of becoming humble and present, someone becomes judgmental, righteous, or self-inflated.
It's the “I meditate more than you,” or “I’m more enlightened than you” energy - which ironically pulls them further from actual spiritual growth.
It’s still ego - just dressed up in Sanskrit.
Some signs of spiritual ego:
Speaking in overly abstract language that disconnects
Looking down on people who are “less aware”
Using spiritual language to bypass real emotions or avoid accountability
Believing they’ve “arrived” and others are “behind”
A deeper shadow version of this is spiritual narcissism - when someone uses their perceived enlightenment to control, gaslight, or elevate themselves.
If you’ve spent time in yoga or wellness communities, you’ve probably seen it. Maybe even in yourself (I know I have). It’s part of the path.
Yogas Citta Vritti Nirodhah
The other day I asked my teacher Rolf, “How do you handle students who think they know more than the teacher?”
He said something that grounded me deeply:
“Trust that your higher power and her higher power have both placed you there for a reason.”
I’ve started making sure that I fit in my second, twenty minute meditation before my afternoon classes - not after - so that I arrive with as much patience as possible. And then I remind myself: both of our higher powers have placed us here for a reason.
Yesterday I taught Sutra 1.2:
Yogas citta vritti nirodhah
Yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind-stuff.
I told the class, “I don’t know how we’ll fill a full hour with just one sutra.”
We ended up needing more than an hour.
Here’s how I broke it down:
Citta = the full scope of the mind: thoughts, intellect, emotions, ego, imagination.
Vritti = mental waves or fluctuations.
Nirodhah = stillness, restraint, dissolution.
Yoga is the practice of calming the storm so you can see clearly.
I used Swami Vivekananda’s metaphor of the mind as a lake:
The bottom of the lake is the Self. First, you clear the dirt. Then, you wait for the waves to still. Only then can you see your reflection - your true Self.
This is yoga. This is the work.
Of course, when we discussed it, questions flew:
What’s the difference between the mind and a thought? What’s the function of buddhi? What’s a vritti vs. a samskara?
It’s normal to get overwhelmed or bogged down in all these details. But all these details, these worries of not understanding, are just vrittis anyways. All you need to know is: we’re doing yoga to get rid of the vrittis, or thought spirals, to see the true self. All you need to understand is that you have a narrative in your mind and you just need to stop the narrative to see clearly. And our practice of asana, pranayama and meditation is what will help us see our true self. Once you see your true self then nothing can affect you.
Living the Practice Off the Mat
This morning I went to an AA meeting. We read a chapter from Living Clean about what to say when someone asks why we don’t drink. One woman said she hated this chapter. “It’s simple,” she said. “Just stop caring what people think.”
People rolled their eyes.
But I got what she meant. Without even being a practitioner of yoga, she was trying to teach the same thing I was teaching yesterday. This is all in your head. Stop the vrittis (the thoughts) and you’ll see that none of this really matters anyways. Stop worrying what people think about you and then you won’t have this problem. It’s all just thoughts causing you suffering. She was pointing to Yoga Sutra 1.2: Yogas Citta Vritti Nirodhah. Yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind. And if we still those fluctuations then nothing else will matter.
And yet, while I saw her point of view, at the same time, someone who’s one day sober isn’t there yet. They might need a script for navigating social situations. And that’s why reading for 15 minutes a list of different things to say in this moment in time is helpful for them.
Both are true.
The highest practice? I think the highest spiritual practice is: Being able to sit with both truths. To see it’s all a narrative of our mind and made up - and yet also honor the narrative of people’s mind that is causing them suffering today. To meet people exactly where they are.
There’s another sutra - Sutra 2.18: prakasha-kriya-sthiti-shilam bhutendriyatmakam bhogapavargartham drishyam - that says everything we perceive (drishyam) exists for two purposes: experience and liberation.
So I ask myself: What’s life showing me right now? What patterns are appearing in all these scenarios? What is this here to teach me?
I think the obvious pattern here is to meet everyone where they’re at, exactly where they’re at. Whether they have zero spiritual education or loads. Whether they have twenty years of sobriety or twenty hours. Just love everyone exactly as they are, today. That is my practice.
The Beauty in the Spiral
After the meeting, I sat with the woman who had voiced her frustration. And I found that I adored her. She was intelligent, sharp, and deeply awake.
She told me, “Usually I have patience for this stuff…but today I just didn’t.”
I loved that. She said, “I probably didn’t make any friends in the meeting this morning.” And I said - “No! You made a friend! Me.”
After, we talked about the challenges of dating spiritual men with unchecked spiritual ego. You know the type: quoting the Gita, preaching Advaita, but emotionally unavailable.
One of the most disorienting parts of the spiritual path is encountering someone who sounds enlightened but feels disconnected. They say all the right things - but the energy is off. (Quite in line with my attacker from February).
True spirituality? It’s not about how many Sanskrit words you can use. It’s about how gently you hold space for others. How deeply you listen. How willing you are to keep growing.
I told her about Mr. Jack Pot (Aka the Meow-ditator, Rocket Man, Mr. Mantra, Burrito Boy, The Rational Mystic, the-guy-i-like-that-I-feel-safe-with, Him (the crush).) He isn’t flashy about his spirituality, but genuinely practices. He also meets me where I am. He holds space.
She said, “Sounds like you hit the jackpot.”
I texted him that she said that later. “You’re Mr. Jack Pot now.”
I’ve got six weeks until he comes to Bali, and I’m using that time to take full responsibility for being the best version of me. Not from a place of performance - but from presence. From actually doing the work. From choosing to witness my own mind. I want to be a Jackpot too! (But we aren’t born that way…we have to put in the work every day). And I know from experience that if one thing slides than everything slides. If I drop my practice I’ll start to personalize and dramatize. And I really don’t want to do either thing.
I’m almost at 100 days of Vedic meditation. I talked to Rolf yesterday about how much that consistency has built a steady ground for me. (This speaks to Sutra 1.13 and 1.14. 1.13: Practice is the effort to stay steady in that stillness. And 1.14: Practice becomes firm when done with dedication, over time, and with faith.)
Rolf said to me,
“Alex I’m so happy for you for establishing that practice. There’s two reasons why my practice is important to me. The first is because it’s something I care about. The second is because I say to myself: ‘you’re kind of fucked up. You’ll ake bad choices. You’ll be your own worst enemy if you don’t take care of yourself.’” Aka: if I don’t practice I will not be a Jackpot.
Final Thoughts
This week, the teachings have come full circle:
The spiral of learning: honoring where everyone is.
Spiritual ego: recognizing when knowledge becomes a mask.
Vairagya: letting go of the need to be right or superior.
Nirodhah: witnessing the mind and choosing stillness.
Abhyasa: I need to stick to my practice!
And maybe, most of all:
Meeting people exactly where they’re at.
Because that is the yoga.
Upcoming Programs
🌴 May 25–31 Sober Yoga & Meditation Retreat in Bali – a few rooms left!
👉 Book Your Spot
🧘🏽♀️ July 2025 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali - hybrid almost sold out!
👉 Join Us Here
🧘🏽♀️ September 2025 300-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali
👉 Join Us Here
2026 Retreat Waitlist
The 2026 retreat schedule is starting to shape up. Heres’ what’s coming:
India - Sober Girls Golden Triangle Adventure (Women only) and Goa Meditation/Yoga Holi Retreat (open to men and women and co-led by Rory Kinsella and me.) Sign up here to get on my waitlist for when we drop info!
Bali - Nyepi/Ogoh Ogoh Retreat for Men and Women - Meditation & Yoga Retreat with me and Rory Kinsella end of March 2026. Sign up here to get on my waitlist for when we drop info!
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.