Day 85: Drama, Dharma and Skipping my Morning Meditation
I have something to admit:
I’ve stopped doing my morning 20 minute Vedic Meditation since I got back from India. (I’m still holding strong at 85 days of daily practice with my afternoon practice! And I’m still practicing other forms of chanting, meditation, and yoga every day. But… the sunrise Vedic Meditation sit? Yeah. It’s dropped.)
Let me explain why (because, of course, I have an excuse for everything). It mostly has to do with Mr. Meditation (yes, here I go stepping into the Drama Triangle, playing the Victim, and blaming someone else for my own choices. LOL. But hear me out!)
First of all, I want to mention in case there is any confusion, that Mr. Meditation also goes by the following names: Rocket Man, Mr. Mantra, Burrito Boy, The Rational Mystic, the-guy-i-like-that-I-feel-safe-with, Him (the crush).
Every night I write these Substacks and go to bed. In India, my relationship with Mr. Meditation was just beginning. There was this sweet 24 hours after I asked him on a date where we didn’t text at all - probably because we didn’t know how to communicate anymore as the relationship was evolving. Then daily communication grew. Eventually, I started writing little Easter egg nicknames for him in the Substacks. Now it’s a whole thing.
Because of the time zone he’s in, he usually reads them while I’m still asleep, and texts me a little message in the morning - usually with the nickname and a laughing emoji. It’s sweet. So of course, when I wake up, I want to check my phone. And we all know how that goes: once the phone is on, the meditation is not happening. I start texting, the mind gets busy, and my quiet sunrise cushion moment goes out the window.
Now - since I know he’s reading this - I want to say: me blaming him for skipping my morning meditation is a joke. I am not asking him to stop sending the laughing emoji texts! I love them. This is totally on me. It’s my responsibility to practice tapas (discipline) and manage my impulse to check messages before I sit and meditate. He manages to do his morning meditation before reading my late-night messages, so clearly this is a me thing. (Consider this post me taking ownership - and publicly committing that tomorrow, I will meditate before checking your text and replying to you.)
But today? I noticed the direct impact of skipping my morning sit.
I did one Vedic Meditation in the afternoon (instead of the usual two), and it hit me how much my patience and compassion has dropped from this tiny shift.
Here’s the breakdown of my day:
I woke up, texted him, went to a yoga class, went to a meeting, had breakfast, then taught on a YTT. I’m so excited about this new YTT cohort - a new in person group in Bali that’s here for the month - but I felt a trigger during class due to some comments someone made. My ego flared up. I instantly wanted to text Mr. Meditation and vent.
Then I led an online Pranayama & Meditation class, followed by a Metta (Loving-Kindness) practice. And that’s when it hit me:
I have a pattern of bringing drama to my relationships - not within the relationship itself, but through the stories I bring from the outside world about my day. “She said this, she thinks she knows more than me, she’s blaming me for this,” and so on, and so forth. It’s so unnecessary. These are all stories that I just don’t need to step into, don’t need to engage with and don’t need to retell, because that’s what they are. Just drama. Just stories. And if I were any of my past boyfriends… I’d be exhausted by them! And if they start hearing my drama stories every day - they’ll probably start tuning them out. I want them to listen to the ones that really matter (like moments when I tell him I’m scared from the S.A. or having a panic about something from the S.A. I want him to listen to that stuff because… that’s what matters! Not what this woman said to me in class today about the Sanskrit language, because… who cares? It doesn’t matter.)
My engagement in these stories, right here, is the Drama Triangle.
The Drama Triangle, created by Stephen Karpman, describes three roles:
The Victim: “Poor me.” Helpless, hopeless, always looking for a rescuer.
The Rescuer: “Let me help you.” Always fixing others, avoiding their own problems.
The Persecutor: “It’s all your fault!” Judgmental, critical, and controlling.
We can unconsciously shift between these roles. Personally, I am aware that I tend to be the Victim, and when I feel attacked, I can quickly flip into Persecutor mode.
Note: this is different than being an actual victim of trauma. Me being a victim of trauma is what actually happened to me when I was sexually assaulted. The unnecessary victim stuff is me being a victim to a person who’s comments triggered me today, for example. Their comments are them just playing out a character in the drama triangle, and if I jump into a role in the triangle then I’m just continuing enable the role play of the drama with that person. Does that make sense?
It’s a toxic loop - until we become aware and consciously step out.
I remember a brief healthy relationship I had in 2023. We were at dinner one night, and after listening to me complain for 15 minutes about someone, he gently took my hands and asked me to pray that the obstacle would turn into an opportunity. And I did. But when the solution came (not the way I wanted), I complained about that, too. When I told him about the solution he said, “We prayed for that, remember?” He was happy for me. And I wanted to continue complaining. I wanted to continue to be the victim. “But I didn’t want it to be solved like this!!” It’s no wonder he didn’t stick around. I’m annoying myself just by reading the story back. I was a walking klesha: full of asmita (ego) and avidya (ignorance).
So - how do we exit the Drama Triangle?
David Emerald reframed it as the Empowerment Dynamic:
The Victim becomes the Creator: “What can I do?”
The Rescuer becomes the Coach: “How can I support you without fixing?”
The Persecutor becomes the Challenger: “Can I offer this feedback with compassion?”
After leading Metta today, I felt a reminder:
My #1 priority right now is becoming the healthiest version of me. Because I do not want to bring drama into this new relationship. I don’t want to do the drama triangle! I’m sick of it.
It feels like - for the first time - I’m not dating a narcissist or a walking red flag. He’s actually healthy! He is sober! He meditates! He doesn’t engage in the drama triangle! And I don’t want to screw it up.
So what’s the solution? There’s many things I want to be doing each day…but the obvious one is to…get recommitted to my twice daily, sunrise and afternoon, practice of: Vedic Meditation.
Not just because it’s calming - but because it helps me disentangle from the ego. And that’s what fuels the Drama Triangle.
How does Vedic Meditation Support Me in Stepping Out of the Drama Triangle?
At nearly 85 days of consecutive practice (and 249 total days practice - it’s been on and off for the last 15 months!) I’ve seen the direct impact my Vedic Meditation/Mantra Meditation practice has on the way I approach my relationships.
I find that my Vedic Meditation practice gently guides me out of the Drama Triangle by softening the edges of stress, ego, and reactivity. With regular practice, my body receives rest, and the nervous system begins to unwind - this is what Patanjali teaches through abhyasa, the steady effort to return again and again to stillness. As the tension dissolves, the mind quiets. I find that I don’t react as quickly or jump into old roles as easily.
Instead, I start to notice what the Yoga Sutras describe in drashtuh svarupe avasthanam - the return of the seer to their true nature. I begin to see myself with compassion: “Oh, I see - I’m slipping into Victim mode,” or “There I go, becoming the prosecutor, getting angry when I feel attacked.” That gentle awareness is a doorway to choice.
Over time, the grip of the ego (asmita) loosens. The stories and identities - being the one who saves, the one who suffers, the one who blames - begin to feel less solid. But as my meditation teacher says, meditation needs to be consistent for it to work. You wouldn’t say, “Oh that was a great sleep - but I think I’ll skip sleeping tonight because I did it yesterday.” It’s the same with meditation. It needs to become a daily practice for it to become effective.
When it becomes consistent, you remember that you are something deeper than any role: you are consciousness itself. As your inner fullness grows, so does vairagya, the art of letting go. You no longer need to chase validation or control to feel okay. There’s a quiet peace that comes from within. And from that space, you start choosing to act from consciousness - showing up as the Creator who takes empowered action, the Coach who listens with love, the Challenger who speaks truth with kindness. You don’t have to perform. You just have to return - again and again - to your practice, your breath, your Self.
Tonight, my phone ran out of data. I zipped out to buy more data. It was 8pm, and I passed the hotel next door and really wanted to get a brownie and ice cream. But I paused.
Alex—you’re craving this because you’re still triggered by this woman today.
Go home. Sit. Breathe. Meditate.
If you still want the brownie after, go for it.
Twenty minutes later, I didn’t want the brownie.
That’s the power of pause. That’s the power of practice. That’s yoga in action.
Right now, I have a chunk of time, a few weeks, before Mr. Meditation arrives in Bali. And although I’m whining all the time about how I wish he would come sooner, I actually think the time is good for me - because I’m really thinking a lot about how I can be the healthiest version of me before he arrives - so I am not bringing the drama and just being a partner who brings joy to the moment. And what that means is:
Twice-daily Vedic Meditation
AA meetings (so powerful for me getting in the mindset of thinking about cleaning up my side of the street and letting go of victim mentality)
Asana practices each day
Foundational self-care: cooking, cleaning, managing money
The Daily Substacks: writing things like this are like journal entries for me, to work all this stuff out in my own mind.
Do you struggle with the Drama Triangle too?
Which roles do you tend to play?
Do you have a Vedic Meditation practice? Do you find that it helps?
And what other spiritual practices help you stay in your center - and out of the spiral?
I’d love to hear about it. Comment on this post if you relate to it!
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