Day 84: Adolescence, Avidya, and Ahimsa: Reflections on Violence, Gender and Spiritual Awakening
Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Violence Against Women
Spoiler Alert: I’m going to spoil parts of the Netflix series Adolescence. So if you don’t want it to be spoiled…bookmark this post and come back later after you’ve watched it!
Adolescence is a four-part series inspired by real events in the UK - an unsettling rise in misogyny, online radicalization, and violence against young women. The show opens with a 13-year-old boy being arrested for the murder of his female classmate, and each episode unpacks a different layer of this tragic story.
Episode 2 follows the police into a school setting where online culture - specifically, emoji-coded bullying and the influence of figures like Andrew Tate - is explored. As someone who used to be a school teacher, this one hit close to home. I taught 6 to 8-year-olds, so I wasn’t dealing with these exact issues, but the chaos of moving from one emotional emergency to another in a school with a few minutes to manage each one? That part was real for me.
Episode 3 dives into Jamie’s psyche as a psychologist interviews him in prison. His twisted logic is terrifying: he believes that the boy who leaked a classmate’s nude photo should have waited to collect more nudes before sharing it. He also thought she’d be more likely to say yes to a date because she was “weak” after the photo circulated. And - this part haunts me - he actually believed he was better than other boys because he didn’t rape her before killing her, and most boys would.
Episode 4 shows the ripple effects of the crime on his parents. His father’s line gutted me: “How could my dad make me, and I create Jamie?” This pointed to something deeper than generational pain. This is not just toxic masculinity - it’s a spiritual crisis, influenced by technology and our changing world.
A Crisis of Avidya
In Yoga Sutra 2.5, Patanjali defines avidya as "seeing the impermanent as permanent, the impure as pure, pain as pleasure, and the non-Self as the Self." It's spiritual ignorance. And in our society today, this misperception of what it means to be a man, what power looks like, and what women’s bodies represent is rooted deeply in avidya.
This isn’t just a behaviour issue. This is a spiritual wound.
And it's not just “bad guys.” I remember being in an airport ten years ago with someone I was dating. He pulled out his phone and showed me a message from his football WhatsApp group: a screenshot of a girl’s Instagram followed by “Want to see a video??” The next message was a sex video of her, shared without her consent.
When I told him this was disgusting and that he needed to leave the group, he looked at me like I was asking him to cancel Christmas. “It’s just my football group,” he said. “I ignore those messages.”
But the thing is - ignoring it is part of the problem.
That woman didn’t consent. That’s why the men were interested. It wasn’t about sex, it was about power. And this was a good man. He never was physically or sexually violent towards me (that I am aware of). That’s what haunts me. So a film like Adolescence doesn’t seem that unreal, based on what I’ve experienced in relationships in the last seventeen years. Even “good” men are swimming in these waters without realizing how toxic they are.
Some Shocking Numbers
According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 3 women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence - most often by an intimate partner.
In the UK (where Adolescence is set), over 60% of teenage girls report being sexually harassed in school. A 2023 report found that misogynistic influencers are reaching boys as young as 10, shaping their understanding of women and relationships before they've even had one.
This is not isolated. This is systemic.
Where Yoga Meets Activism
One of my students recently asked about Yoga Sutra 1.33, where Patanjali says we must cultivate friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the suffering, joy for the virtuous, and equanimity toward the wicked.
They asked: How can we be indifferent to evil? Isn’t that passivity?
But Patanjali isn’t saying, “Ignore harm.” He’s reminding us to take a stance against wrong in the world, but to not allow it to destroy our own wellbeing, our own peace. He’s teaching viveka - discernment. We respond from clarity and purpose, not reactivity. We act, but not from anger. We don’t add more suffering to the world. We speak up, but not from hatred.
This is not about apathy. It’s about right action (karma yoga). It’s about staying the course without losing yourself in the fight.
What I’m Still Healing
As someone who was recently the victim of a brutal physical and sexual assault, this series was hard to watch - but important. I know what it’s like to feel helpless, to know that there are images and videos out there that I never consented to, and to have to make peace with a reality I cannot control.
And yet… there’s light.
There’s Rocket Man (Burrito Boy, The Rational Mystic, Mr. Mantra, the-guy-i-like-that-I-feel-safe-with, Him (the crush). He is synonymous with safety. At a time when I had lost hope in finding a healthy, safe man out there, he has appeared. I told him today that watching Adolescence made me appreciate him more. (I appreciate him every day! But still. Remembering that he’s special is important.)
Being a Conduit of Love
I texted my Yoga Sutra group that recommended the series to me and said, “We need a societal shift, but I don’t know how to create that.”
The only answer I can come up with is: Be a conduit of love.
Hold space. Have honest conversations. Teach kids to see through avidya. Surround them with values that don’t come from TikTok or Andrew Tate but from the heart of yoga: ahimsa, satya, svadhyaya, and Ishvara pranidhana—nonviolence, truthfulness, self-study, and surrender.
In The Great Work of Your Life, Stephen Cope writes about Susan B. Anthony’s dharma: to lift women to equality. When asked if she prayed, she answered, “I pray every single second of my life; not on my knees but with my work. My prayer is to lift women equality with men. Work and worship are one with me.”
Yes. Work and worship are one with me.
That is my prayer too.
An Invitation
Someone emailed me this weekend and asked if men can join my offerings. YES. Unless it specifically says “women only,” my programs are open to all. I do separate women’s retreats (Sober Girls Yoga Adventure to India, for example). But it will say Women Only clearly at the top of the page if it’s only for women. (Also sorry I haven’t replied yet to your email! I need to sit down today and reply to all my emails.)
Me and Rory Kinsella have a retreat coming up in May that is for men and women, and he will also be teaching with me on my YTT in July, which is also open to men and women. I will still hold sacred space for women - because we need it - but I’m realizing that healing must be collective too, which is why I’m excited to be leading more retreats with Rory in 2026. The wound between masculine and feminine is ours to repair.
It begins with conversation. And love. And seeing clearly.
Let’s be the ones who do the work. Together.
Ways to Study with Me (All These Programs Open to Men and Women)
🌴 May 25–31 Sober Yoga & Meditation Retreat in Bali – a few rooms left!
👉 Book Your Spot
🧘🏽♀️ July 2025 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali - hybrid almost sold out!
👉 Join Us Here
🧘🏽♀️ September 2025 300-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali
👉 Join Us Here
Free Trial of the Yoga Sutra Study (Open to Men and Women)
I started the Yoga Sutra Study this past week - but I want to give a free trial class to the first 2 people who are interested who didn’t sign up for this round. Please email me at alexandra@themindfullifepractice.com if you’re interested in joining. One group is Thursday Nights 7:30pm EDT (7:30am Friday Bali) and one group is 6pm Wednesday night in Bali (6am EDT).
📖 Yoga Sutra Study Online – we had our first classes this week but would still love for you to join!
👉 Sign Up
2026 Retreat Waitlist
The 2026 retreat schedule is starting to shape up. Heres’ what’s coming:
India - Sober Girls Golden Triangle Adventure (Women only) and Goa Meditation/Yoga Holi Retreat (open to men and women and co-led by Rory Kinsella and me.) Sign up here to get on my waitlist for when we drop info!
Bali - Nyepi/Ogoh Ogoh Retreat for Men and Women - Meditation & Yoga Retreat with me and Rory Kinsella end of March 2026. Sign up here to get on my waitlist for when we drop info!
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