Day 81: Wholeness in the Recipe
This morning, I started my day with a yoga teacher mentorship call with my teacher, Rolf. I don’t often make his live calls, but today it worked out - thanks to daylight savings time in the U.S., I was able to join early in the morning.
Rolf shared many nuggets of wisdom, but one really landed:
"The Yoga Sutras is a recipe book from 3,000 years ago. Instead of baking a cake or a pie, the ancient yogis were trying to let go of their stories and experience wholeness and joy. We're just following the instructions. It doesn't tell you what to experience—it's asking: If you follow this recipe, do the vrittis cease? Can you experience joy?"
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Right after that, I taught one of my Yoga Sutra Study groups. This group is wrapping up Chapter 2, and we focused on the three sutras on asana:
Sutra 2.46 — Sthira-sukham-asanam
“Meditation begins with a steady, comfortable pose.”
Sthira means steady or stable.
Sukham means joyful or comfortable.
Asanam means posture.
This sutra reminds us that asana is meant to be grounded in ease, not struggle. The word asana actually comes from the same root as assan, which in Indian languages means “easy.”
You’re not fighting your body—you’re easing into it. It’s a joyful process.
Originally, yoga postures weren’t meant to be intense workouts. The ancient practitioners lived in ashrams, immersed in study and spiritual practice. Movement was gentle, peaceful, and meditative. That said, if a more dynamic practice like power yoga or vinyasa helps someone alleviate suffering, then it’s also valid. In that sense, Yin Yoga is perhaps closest to traditional Indian yoga due to its stillness and long holds.
Sutra 2.47 — Prayatna-saithilya-ananta-samapattibhyam
“Any posture delivers us to infinite absorption when it is composed of both tension and release.”
This is about how we practice. With time, our efforts become effortless. The key is progressive ease and focus on something infinite or divine. The posture becomes a portal to spiritual absorption. The goal isn't struggle, but spaciousness and surrender.
Sutra 2.48 — Tato dvandva-anabhighatah
“From this, we are undisturbed by dualities.”
The effect of asana practice is integration. All the inner conflicts—the push and pull of life—begin to dissolve. We become whole. Yoga unites the different parts of ourselves and brings harmony. As my teacher said:
First, we harmonize. Then we coexist. Then we transcend.
During our discussion, one student said, “I’m just struggling with this idea that asana should be easy. I’ve been working on my handstand for months—and that’s hard!”
I shared how yoga was originally meant to prepare the body for meditation, not perform gymnastic feats. But I’ve softened my stance over time. One of my students once reminded me that thousands of years ago, people were much more physically active - plowing fields, walking everywhere. Now, most modern yogis are sitting at desks all day. Maybe what we need is movement.
Any practice that alleviates suffering is a good practice.
Ironically, though I sit on this high horse about how yoga should be a mental practice and not physical, I realized I’ve been neglecting my own movement practice - and that’s the problem I’m currently facing! I’m not moving enough, so I’m feeling low. I’ve been immersed in teaching yoga philosophy, reading the Bhagavad Gita, studying meditation - but not moving my body. So I went to a Bikram Yoga class (the 26+2 sequence).
I chose 26+2 because of its stillness and predictability. No music. A set sequence. It’s predictable. A calm, silent room. The teacher teaches from a script. Sometimes it’s not trauma-informed, but I focus on what supports me and let the rest go.
26+2 brings:
Stress reduction through structured breath and focus
Mental resilience through repetition and discipline
After class, my friend - who was also the teacher - cried and asked if she could hug me. “I’m just so inspired by you,” she said. “So many people are inspired by you. People that live in Bali that don’t even know you.” It touched me a lot, and I cried too. I walked away thinking, Maybe I’m not as alone in Ubud as I thought. Maybe I do have more friends here than I realized.
Afterward, I went to my first CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) meeting. I’m starting to step beyond the confines of AA. While I still value it, I’m exploring other fellowships that feel more aligned with my history of trauma, cross-addiction, and relationship patterns.
It felt divinely orchestrated. When I arrived, there were only four men there. I was surprised to see only men in a town that’s 90% women - so I actually interrupted their moment of silence to ask, “Is this a men’s meeting?” I think they were kind of annoyed at me interrupting their moment, lol. But I was genuinely shocked by an accidental mens only meeting - that never happens in Ubud! I don’t usually spend time with men right now - especially not in intimate spaces. But this meeting gave me the chance to have a positive experience connecting with men, and share honestly and connect platonically. I ended up sharing this with the group during my sharing.
After the meeting, a man came up to me and said, “Men aren’t so bad, are we?”
I replied to him,
“I was sexually assaulted last month, so I’m just not really feeling safe around men or interested in being near them. But yeah, it was a nice meeting.”
I don’t think this was what he was expecting me to say, lol.
But he received it kindly. I left feeling heard and safe.
Later, I told The Rational Mystic (a.k.a. Burrito Boy, the-guy-I-like-that-I-feel-safe-with, and him (the crush) ) that even if I don’t fully identify as codependent, given my history of abusive relationships, I think CoDA will benefit me, so I will keep going to meetings. It’s just all about recognizing unhealthy patterns, building boundaries, and staying grounded in recovery. I think it will help me prepare for healthy relationships. I want to enter a new relationship as healthy as possible, as whole on my own, not expecting him to complete me.
Things felt on a high after the morning! But…my day shifted after that. I missed an online workout, fell asleep during an online meditation, and canceled my Bahasa class. My yoga philosophy teacher also had to cancel our afternoon class. What was supposed to be a five-hour Zoom marathon turned into an afternoon of rest.
And honestly? I needed that.
I feel like I’m coming back into alignment - my practices, my recovery steps, my classes, my rest. I even stocked up on groceries for Ogoh Ogoh and Nyepi, Bali’s sacred New Year and Day of Silence.
Things are flowing again. Slowly, gently, powerfully. Rolf said that we should just follow the recipe from the yoga sutras and see what happens. And I’m finding, time and time again, that if I commit to the 8-limb-path of yoga, then things will always flow again. Things will flow, like the recipe in the Yoga Sutras promises.
Ways to Study with Me:
🌴 May 25–31 Sober Yoga & Meditation Retreat in Bali – a few rooms left!
👉 Book Your Spot
🧘🏽♀️ July 2025 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali - hybrid almost sold out!
👉 Join Us Here
🧘🏽♀️ September 2025 300-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali
👉 Join Us Here
📖 Yoga Sutra Study Online – a new cohort starts this week! The North America group is almost sold out (Thursday night/Friday morning), the Europe group still has lots of spots (Wednesdays)
👉 Sign Up
📖 Yoga Teacher Training Online 200 Hours – a new cohort starts this week! Last call - we start today!
👉 Sign Up
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.