Day 80: The Ego Eclipse
This week, I reopened the floodgates to my Instagram addiction.
It wasn’t the plan.
At the end of my trip to India, I thought it would be harmless to log on and share a post summarizing the journey. I got a bunch of likes and comments, and - bam - the dopamine rush hit. Just like that, I was back. Whilst I never got into looking at other people’s content again (thank god) I was posting stories and reels and then constantly checking for who’d liked them, who’d seen them, who’d commented on them.
Honestly, I really admire everyone out there who can moderate their relationship with Instagram or other social media platforms - because I cannot. And posting that one Instagram post a week ago was like having the first drink of alcohol.
I didn’t really know what triggered the Instagram relapse, or what was driving it. All I knew was that in the week being home from India my use of it amplified.
Fast forward to today: I was teaching the new Yoga Sutra Study class - 6am EST / 6pm Bali / 10am London (you can still join us and catch up from last week!) - and I came across a slide I had written exactly one year ago. It was about Sutra 1.4 of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras:
Vṛtti-sārūpyam itaratra
“When not in the state of yoga, the self identifies with the fluctuations (vṛttis) of the mind.”
One year ago, I had written:
When we’re not in a state of stillness, we identify with the movements of the mind - our thoughts, emotions, roles, and stories. We mistake them for who we truly are. We forget we are the seer (puruṣa), not the chaos.
This sutra is essential to understanding suffering - we suffer because we forget who we truly are.
And here's the kicker: the slide also mentioned that I was depressed when I got back from India because I isolated myself and wasn’t in spiritual community.
I wrote that one year ago.
And I did the exact same thing this year.
When I got home from India this year, I lay in bed for five days. I isolated. I started posting on Instagram again - which I didn’t connect as being a symptom of the problem at the time, but I see it now. I was feeling lonely, so I was trying to connect, trying to be seen. I wanted compliments on my brown hair. I wanted feedback on my Taylor Swift harmonium chants. I wanted people to read my Substack so I was linking it on my stories.
The ego floodgates swung open by Instagram… and I got pulled right into them.
Over the last week, as my mind spun in the online world instead of the present moment, my work life mirrored the chaos. I dropped balls - forgot to send curriculum documents and welcome emails to students in my programs.
This morning I slept in and missed my first Zoom call of the day (thank you for your understanding to my students who missed me!) But as the day progressed I started to think - something is not in alignment.
I taught the first class of my 2025 online 200-Hour YTT - my first Zoom YTT in ages - and wow. I was lit up. Fully engaged. Aligned. In dharma.
Later, I biked to Canggu and sat in my first AA meeting in over a month. Just being there - listening, being in community - was medicine. Someone said, “Every time you show up in a meeting, you’re being in service to others.” That landed with me. Whilst I do have my issues at times with AA, what it is is a room full of people, and as someone said today, “when you join the fellowship you never have to be lonely again.” I felt that being part of community today.
Then I saw my harmonium teacher. She shared vulnerably, and I held space for her. That felt powerful too.
By the time I returned to my house in Ubud for my next two zoom classes - Sutra Study and another Pranayama & Meditation YTT - I was full. Grounded. Present. I had recorded a beautiful chant with my teacher, but after teaching the Zoom classes, my cup felt full for the first time in a few days. And I didn’t feel the need to post it on Instagram to get likes/comments.
I didn’t need to be seen.
I was seen - by my community and by myself.
🌘 What Is an Ego Eclipse?
There is a partial solar eclipse coming up this weekend on March 29th. Like when the solar eclipse happens when the moon temporarily blocks the sun, an ego eclipse is when the false self - the craving, comparing, attention-seeking self - overshadows the truth of who we are.
I can think of so many things that have been part of my ego eclipse this week - being drawn back to the dark side of social media.
But the reason why I called it an “Ego Eclipse” is because - eclipses are temporary. They create the dark space that reminds us of the light. And when the ego is eclipsed, and then released, we come back clearer, more aligned, and more ourselves.
We forget so that we can remember.
Like Annie Grace says in This Naked Mind, a drink of alcohol is just a data point along the journey. My Instagram relapse isn’t a failure - it’s feedback. A nudge back to what truly nourishes me.
🕉️ Om Namah Shivaya: A Portal Back to the Self
During my harmonium lesson today, we chanted to Shiva.
This mantra isn’t just about an external deity - it’s a call to awaken the Shiva within. The pure awareness, the destroyer of illusion, the still point beneath the chaos.
Om Namah Shivaya
“I bow to the Divine within me. I remember who I am.”
Every repetition peels back ego and invites us into presence, surrender, silence. It’s the sound of the soul returning home.
And then something beautiful happened.
🌑 A Sacred Convergence: Instagram, Eclipse & Inner Rebirth
My friend Pooja who lives in India messaged me tonight, urging me to join an online chant. “It’s important right now,” she said. “We’ll be doing these chants every day until March 29th online.”
The invite read: Let’s come together in prayer to chant or simply listen to the Shree Mahāvishnu Ashtottara Shatanāmāvalī. This blessed chant offers strength, grace, and protection in challenging times. Now more than ever, we need this.
I paused. What was it about this period of time that’s so important? I didn’t ask her, but I just reflected on the meaning for me, myself.
Then I realized, this whole weekend, but March 29 in particular, is a huge day!
In Bali, it’s Ogoh-Ogoh and Nyepi - our biggest holiday of the year. I’ve been living in Bali for the last three years.
For Muslims, it’s the end of Ramadan - a sacred time of devotion and renewal. I lived in Muslim majority countries in Kuwait and Abu Dhabi for seven years, so this celebration was a huge part of my life during that time.
And across the world on March 29, it will be a partial solar eclipse.
🌌 A Rare Portal Opens
These three events overlap in a cosmic trifecta:
1. Ogoh-Ogoh & Nyepi (Balinese New Year)
Burning of demons (ego, chaos), followed by 24 hours of complete silence and stillness.
Destroy what no longer serves. Begin again.
2. End of Ramadan (Eid al-Fitr)
Spiritual discipline and purification culminating in joyful community celebration.
Come home to the heart. Celebrate soul clarity.
3. Solar Eclipse (New Moon Eclipse)
Cosmic reboot. Hidden truths revealed. Endings and beginnings amplified.
A portal of transformation. A leap into new alignment.
Together, these create a sacred container to:
Release the old
Sit in the void
Realign with truth
Rebirth the Self—from soul, not ego
The world quiets. The sky darkens. Demons are burned. Devotion is fulfilled.
The soul is made new.
This week reminded me: I can lose myself, but I can also return.
Through practice, presence, and spiritual community, I came back - not to my screen, but to my Self.
I am excited to do my second Nyepi this weekend. I will be participating in the day of silence in my villa in Bali on Saturday. It will be a time for renewal and reset for the rest of the year.
The Daily Dharma is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Ways to Study with Me:
🌴 May 25–31 Sober Yoga & Meditation Retreat in Bali – a few rooms left!
👉 Book Your Spot
🧘🏽♀️ July 2025 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali - hybrid almost sold out!
👉 Join Us Here
🧘🏽♀️ September 2025 300-Hour Yoga Teacher Training in Bali
👉 Join Us Here
📖 Yoga Sutra Study Online – a new cohort starts this week! The North America group is almost sold out (Thursday night/Friday morning), the Europe group still has lots of spots (Wednesdays)
👉 Sign Up
📖 Yoga Teacher Training Online 200 Hours – a new cohort starts this week! Last call - we start today!
👉 Sign Up