Day 79: Two (Dead) Frogs & Sacred Metamorphosis
TW: SA
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Today I found two dead frogs while cleaning my guest bedroom.
It was such an odd thing. The room has been locked yet somehow not one, but two frogs managed to get inside - and die on opposite ends of the space. One lay near the window, the other by the bathroom. My villa was entered daily while I was away in India, thanks to my cat sitter who also cleans, so it’s not been entirely closed off. But still - how did they get in? And why?
I gave a video tour of the house just a few days ago over WhatsApp to Burrito Boy (that’s his name today—formerly known as the-guy-I-like-and-feel-safe-with and Him (the crush) ). I’m calling him Burrito Boy because the first time we ever met in real life, we ate burritos. By the way, he really didn’t need to make an appearance in this essay, but I’ve gone out of my way to work him into it because I think all the pseudonyms entertain him 😂
Anyway, I’m almost certain the frogs weren’t there during the tour. I would’ve seen them. So how did two frogs get into my guest room… and die so quickly and quietly?
My first thought was of my Nana.
To me, frogs have always symbolized my Grandad. We used to catch frogs at their cottage when I was a kid. He passed over a decade ago, and Nana has been a widow ever since. She’s now in her mid-90s, and her health has been rapidly declining. I immediately messaged my mom to check on her.
But then, I sat down and asked myself: What if the frogs aren’t about Nana? What if they’re about me?
The Metamorphosis of the Frog
Frogs are known for undergoing the most dramatic metamorphosis in the animal kingdom - transforming from one type of being to another. I started reading into their transformation today, because I kind of forgot how profound it is.
1. Egg
A cluster of jelly-like eggs, floating in water. Pure potential.
2. Tadpole
Living underwater with gills and a tail, they resemble little fish. Entirely immersed in the emotional realm. This is about dependence, emotional immersion, early-stage growth.
3. Tadpole with Legs
Legs sprout. Lungs begin to form. The tail slowly recedes. They exist in-between—water and land. This symbolizes transition, liminality, discomfort, the sacred pause.
4. Adult Frog
Fully formed, able to leap between realms. This is the symbol of rebirth. Completion. Embodied transformation.
My Recovery in Frog Form
This sudden frog encounter led me into reflection on my healing journey - especially my process of recovering from RTS. In many ways, I am the frog.
1. The Egg – The Moment of Awareness
This is when something cracks open. For me, it was the moment in February when I cracked open and realized I had been assaulted.
2. The Tadpole – Underwater Emotion
This stage reminds me of Phase One of RTS Recovery: Safety & Stabilization.
I was submerged in grief, shame, fear, and unmet needs. No real tools yet - just instinct, desperation, and a knowing that yoga, meditation, and counselling might offer something resembling a lifeline.
In yoga philosophy, this is tamas - the heaviness, inertia, and darkness that keeps us stuck. But also, the soil where seeds are planted.
3. Tadpole with Legs – The Sacred In-Between
This is Phase Two: Remembrance & Mourning.
I had tools. I had support. I could regulate, set boundaries, pause before reacting. But I was still carrying the tail - the unconscious survival strategies, the somatic remnants of trauma.
It was messy. Awkward. It was not linear. I’d swim forward, then back.
In this phase I was neither who I was, nor fully who I was becoming.
4. The Frog on Land – Integration
This reminds me of Phase Three: Reconnection & Integration.
I’m not “done” healing. But I’ve crossed a threshold. I can navigate water (emotion, memory, intuition) and land (action, grounded presence, dharma).
The trauma is still part of me, but it no longer defines me. Like a frog, I leap forward, aware, adaptable, and alive.
In yogic terms, this is sattva - clarity, harmony, light. It's where purpose begins to emerge from pain.
Why This Metaphor Matters
Because healing isn’t a straight line.
Because sometimes we leap, and sometimes we sink.
Because sometimes you feel like a whole frog… and then find yourself tadpole-like again the next morning.
The Yoga Sutras remind us: abhyāsa vairāgyābhyām tan nirodhah - it’s through steady practice and gentle non-attachment that the mind becomes clear.
Healing is practice. It’s devotion. And it’s okay to be in whatever stage you’re in.
So What Did the Dead Frogs Mean?
Maybe not Nana after all.
Maybe they’re mirrors of my own metamorphosis. A sacred symbol for something that’s complete—or something asking to be released.
Spiritually and symbolically, frogs can mean:
Transformation
Emotional release
Rebirth
Thresholds
But dead frogs?
The end of a cycle
Energetic stagnation or resistance
A signal that something old must be let go
A shift in relationship dynamics or identity
Two frogs. Duality. Perhaps the masculine and feminine in me are rebalancing. Perhaps it’s about stepping away from times in which I’ve over-extended myself, and into a more feminine, surrendered way of being. Burrito Boy’s presence feels like a soft return to that feminine flow. I keep saying that I feel like I brand new woman right now and I literally do. New hair, new dresses, new earrings. Soon I might even own more than one pair of shoes and some makeup again!
Final Signs
This morning, I posted to Instagram about how I had to dye my hair dark again after Holi turned it permanently green and yellow. I am brunette again for the first time in years! Transformation on the outside reflecting change on the inside.
And tonight, at Kirtan with my friend Vasudev, he held me in a hug so warm and grounding that I cried.
We chanted:
Om Namo Guru Dev Namo – I bow to the Divine Teacher within.
He reminded us: “When you come through a period of darkness, there is often a period of light.”
That’s where I am now.
In the light.
After the dark.
Still tender at times, but so very alive.
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