Day 67: The Mind, The Caretaker & The Butterfly
Returning to India
Three key moments stood out to me today, each offering a lesson and insight:
The Experiential vs. Narrative Mind
The Caretaker
The Butterfly
A Soft Landing in India
This morning, I woke up in India. Yet, it didn’t quite feel like I was in India (yet). We are staying in a gated community in Delhi for the first night—a gentle transition into this vibrant country. My morning unfolded as usual: asana practice, meditation, breakfast. Then, I went for a walk and listened to a lecture I had missed from my teacher earlier in the week. His teachings are never structured by a fixed curriculum but instead unfold in response to the moment.
1. The Experiential vs. Narrative Mind
During the lecture, Rolf discussed Judson Brewer’s concept of the narrative mind and the experiential mind. The experiential mind perceives the present—the bird flying overhead, the distant honking of cars, the moon in the sky. The narrative mind, on the other hand, tells a story—about who we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going. We can never exist in both minds at once; we are either experiencing or narrating.
I have struggled with the narrative mind, particularly now. Flashbacks emerge—imaginations of events I will never truly know, memories altered by fear and uncertainty. My mind spins stories about photos and videos I have never seen and will never see. But I remind myself: this is not my burden to carry. This is not my karma. It’s his. There is no reason for me to be stuck in this story anymore.
When I notice myself slipping into the narrative mind, I guide myself back to the present using the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise:
5 things I can see
4 things I can hear
3 things I can feel
2 things I can smell
1 thing I can taste
Tonight, I led my retreat guests through this same practice, setting an intention to remain in the experiential mind as much as possible throughout the week.
2. The Caretaker
We are staying at The Manor, a charming, family-run hotel in Delhi that I specifically chose after loving my experience here last year. Today, I struck up a conversation with an older man outside the hotel.
He noticed my harmonium and asked what was on my back. I told him, appreciating how in India, people recognize the instrument—unlike in many parts of the world where I simply say, “It’s an instrument,” to avoid confusion. “I’m going to play it for my group later.”
“Oh!” He said, “You must be Alex! We’re so happy you’re here. We’ve been talking about your group coming for a long time.”
I asked, “Are you the owner of this hotel?” I’d met one of the owners but I know the hotel is family run - she looked about 25 years younger than this man. I figured she must be his daughter.
He replied, “My father used to say he was the caretaker. So I’ll say I’m the caretakertoo—until the next generation takes over.”
I loved this perspective. You’re not the owner; you’re the caretaker. It reminds me of Yoga Sutra 4.25:
Visesa-darsinah atmabhava-bhavana-nivrttih
When you realize the distinction between the seer and the soul, the sense of personal identity dissolves.
Nothing is truly ours. I didn’t invent yoga. I didn’t invent sobriety. My role is not to own but to care for these teachings while they are in my hands, and to keep passing them on to my students. This is like what my teacher Rolf says, when he says, “Yoga has been passed from heart to heart, through thousands of years.”
3. The Butterfly
One of my retreat guests gifted me a handmade dreamcatcher. In this moment, I couldn’t have wanted a dreamcatcher more. It felt like a shield, a guardian against the bad dreams I’ve had over the past few weeks.
But the part that struck me most was the butterfly sticker she used to seal the accompanying card. Some of the women sitting around the table have read the substack post too and knew the significance. But Diana hadn’t read my writings about butterflies on Substack. So it was just a coincidence. She had no idea how deeply they’ve symbolized my soul retrieval journey, and ancestral presence in my life. And yet, she chose a butterfly.
I suddenly realized that today was the first day in ten days that I hadn’t seen a butterfly. Until now. And it wasn’t a live butterfly - it was a big shiny sticker placed right in front of my face. In that moment, I felt a piece of my soul returning to me. “My soul is back in my body.”
Looking Ahead
I am exhausted, but my heart is full. Tomorrow will be a busy day exploring Delhi, and I already know—I am exactly where I am meant to be.
And yes, I think I’ll be leading another India retreat next year. Want to come?
Love,
Alexandra
The Sutras & Sobriety
One of the most powerful aspects of the Yoga Sutras is how they illuminate the path of transformation—something I’ve personally experienced in my own sobriety journey. Whether you're on a path of recovery or simply seeking a more intentional, mindful life, the Sutras provide tools for breaking free from old patterns and stepping into a more aligned way of being. If you're curious about how ancient wisdom can support modern healing, this course is for you. Join me starting March 23 & March 26 for eight months of deep study and connection. Enroll now!