Day 66: A New Phase of the Healing
India & Instagram
I just got to India for the Sober Girls Yoga Retreat. Today was a LONG travel day. Much longer than planned. I left my place at 6am in Bali and didn’t get to my hotel til 8pm tonight. The trip was already meant to be long, a 7 hour flight, but then the flight was delayed four hours because of a plane that broke down on the runway. (This is how I learned we only have one runway in the Bali airport, lol.)
People on the plane were pretty chill about it, though. No one was losing their cool, really. (It reminded me of when I was in the Cabo Airport and had a similar situation and people were not chill, lol). I guess that’s the Bali effect for you.
On the plane, I wrote a lot about Purusha, Prakriti, Past Lives, and Trauma Recovery, which I was going to share as an essay today once I got here in India.
This last week I feel like I’ve been in a therapy intensive - I pretty much didn’t leave my villa in Ubud, and just took calls with various spiritual teachers and healers and spent time with my cat processing and healing and writing. It’s been intense. But profound. I’ve learned and grown so much. And a lot of women have written to me saying that they’re finding my reading therapeutic. But it occurred to me when I landed in India, that I’ve also been very submerged in the story.
And then, I landed in India, and heard the honking trucks, saw the rickshaws weaving between motorbikes, cows meandering at the side of the road, and trucks with bright colours….and on the drive to the hotel it felt like that post I was writing on the plane doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore. I no longer felt like I was so submerged in the story. I felt a bit more like I was submerged in the moment. And maybe that is a good sign. It means that I’m ready to just step here into presence and healing.
I got dropped off at my hotel and (obviously) theres a wedding happening right now with blaring music (why do I feel like every hotel I ever stay at in India has a wedding happening?) Even more opportunity to find the moment.
And suddenly I realized…I just need to get off Instagram again. Sharing my story there was not helpful for me.
Which is so weird - because it’s not the act of sharing my story that’s an issue. I am completely fine with sharing it on Substack in my posts. It feels good and healing to do it here! But for some reason…on Instagram…it doesn’t feel good for me.
This week, when using Instagram, I didn’t even use the features of looking at anyone else’s posts or stories - but even the act of using the app to post my own posts was harmful for me. It just activates my ego and hooks me into a self-centered space that I just don’t want to be in. And then I become fixated on wondering who’s seen my posts, and what they think about it, and if they’re judging me for them…instead of just sharing and storytelling from a place that is detached from the outcome and coming from the heart. It’s weird. I don’t have any of the same issues with Substack. I’d love for someone to explain to me the psychology of this, lol.
So I went on the app just now, and archived my posts that shared my story, and made another post saying I was leaving Instagram again and I’ll only be on Substack now. And it feels so good. I feel like I accomplished what I wanted to do, which was to raise awareness. And now, I can just start to let go of the story.
I think this marks a new phase of the healing.
Yoga Sutra Study
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali are more than just an ancient text—they’re a guide to understanding the mind, cultivating inner peace, and deepening your yoga practice beyond the physical. If you've ever felt drawn to the deeper philosophy of yoga but weren’t sure where to start, this course is for you. Over eight months, we’ll explore the Sutras in a way that makes them relevant to your daily life, your practice, and even your teaching. Join Group A (Thursdays at 6:30pm EST) or Group B (Wednesdays at 5:00pm Bali Time) starting March 23 & March 26. Ready to take your yoga journey deeper? Sign up today!