Day 6: Instagram Sobriety "There is Freedom in Letting Go"
Choosing Freedom
This morning, I had my first one-on-one coaching call with my teacher, Rolf. I signed up for this mentorship to explore the Buddha Dharma together, but our work began earlier than expected. Rolf suggested we check in before I left for my Vipassana meditation retreat, and it couldn’t have come at a better time.
As I reflected on my recent struggles, it became clear that my state of mind in December, just before I arrived on his Costa Rica retreat, was affected by my relationship with Instagram. I made a few choices that I knew felt out of alignment with my values. In hindsight, I realized that they were fueled by the connections and behaviors social media fosters.
Instagram has been an amazing force for building connections for me in my community, and has brought many people together, including lots of people to the Social Media Detox program itself! But for me, at the same time, it slowly became a poison. Here’s some of the ways it created a struggle for me…
Four Ways Instagram Fueled My Loneliness
Superficial Connections: Social media kept me tied to people I wouldn’t otherwise stay in touch with. This access created unnecessary connections during my travels in Costa Rica and in Canada which seemed fulfilling at the time but later left me feeling empty.
Motivations Driven by Social Media: My decisions were often influenced by what I saw, or wanted validation for online. I can think of several things I did this year that I probably wouldn’t have done had it not been marketed to me on Instagram.
Mental Health Reflection: I realized at one point that when I became more depressed, I stopped posting stories. That direct link to my social media usage and my mental health was weird to realize.
Replacing Connection: Instead of reaching out for meaningful connections when I realized I was feeling alone, I turned to Instagram posts, deepening my sense of loneliness.
I said at one point to people I met on Rolf’s retreat, “I feel like I was behaving as if I were in active addiction,” but I was only talking about alcohol at that point. I realized about two weeks later that my Instagram usage had mirrored my patterns of alcohol addiction, and that’s why I was behaving that way.
Yoga Philosophy: Freedom in Letting Go
I didn’t realize how many emotions felt wrapped up in this until I started crying while speaking to Rolf today. Rolf reminded me of a fundamental truth: “There is freedom in letting go.” We spoke about how my work on Instagram, while rooted in good intentions, had become unskillful. It was driven by identification with the self—what yoga calls asmita, or egoism.
Rolf said navigating social media as an entrepreneur is like being a food addict: “You have to keep eating.” But for me, this approach feels unsustainable. My fear is that returning to Instagram will bring me back to old patterns, and I am just completely done with that right now. I want to forge a new path and try something new.
Understanding the Science of Addiction
Addiction, whether to alcohol, social media, or anything else, involves a hijacking of the brain's reward system. Dopamine, the chemical of reward and pleasure, is released with every notification, like, and post. Over time, this overstimulation leads to dependency, numbing the brain’s ability to feel joy in other areas of life.
In yoga philosophy, this pattern aligns with the concept of samskaras, or mental grooves, which create habitual behaviors. Breaking these grooves requires awareness (svadhyaya), discipline (tapas), and surrender (ishvarapranidhana) - the three elements of kriya yoga (sutra 2.1).
The Three Motivations on the Path
Rolf reminded me of the three motivations that deepen our practice:
Personal Fulfillment: The desire for peace, skill, and clarity. This is where most of us begin our practice. For me, stepping back from Instagram mirrors my initial decision to stop drinking—pausing to still the fluctuations of my mind (Yoga Sutra 1.2: Citta Vritti Nirodhah).
Embracing Suffering: Recognizing suffering as a motivator for change. This is the moment when I admitted, “I’m addicted to Instagram,” just as I once acknowledged my issues with alcohol.
Motivation of Compassion: Moving beyond personal suffering to help others. This is the space of interconnectedness, where actions are driven by bodhicitta, the intention to serve.
Reassessing What I Bow Down To
Rolf asked a powerful question this morning: “What are you bowing to?” For years, my day began and ended with doom scrolling. “Do you really want to bow down to Instagram”? This realization inspired critical shifts in how I want to live my life:
Where do I want to invest my time?
Where do I want to invest my money?
How do I want to form meaningful relationships?
What do I truly want to bow down to?
The New Direction: Embracing Vulnerability and Trust
This evening, I attended a women’s circle here in Bali, and pulled a card with the message: “It is safe for you to become naked with life.”
“It is safe for you to become naked with life….it means stripping back your beliefs, strongholds and mental or emotional security blankets so that you can live with less obstruction than ever before. Imagine the conditioning that has kept life away from you, just kept it dropping out of your hands like keys, coins or clocks.
…
There is something you have outgrown. It has to do with your ideas about productivity, time, control and money. It has to do with abundance, trust, and living with the fundamental belief that everything is going to turn out okay. You are ready to be much more vulnerable and exposed in life.
…
You are shedding. It might be an identity, it might be a status symbol such as a car, home or suburb and it could even be a socially admired relationship. You are shedding because no matter what the appearance of things, those old forms were too constricting for you. It is almost like your spirit was trying to walk about in shoes several sizes too small - they were starting to pinch, the seams were ripping and eventually they would fall apart completely.
So, you are being guided to trust. You understand and know that this is all freeing you. After letting go, there comes a temporary emptiness that provides a greater space for fulfilment to come forth.”
This resonated with me. Letting go of Instagram feels like shedding a constrictive layer—a freeing but vulnerable process. It’s like I’ve outgrown shoes that are a size too small. I’m stepping into a space of uncertainty, but also one of opportunity for growth and fulfillment.
The Way Forward: Aligning with My Values
Inspired by my conversation with Rolf, I’m rethinking my approach to work and relationships. I plan to reopen one-on-one coaching, offering personalized support for yoga philosophy, life coaching, or both. This feels aligned with my desire to foster genuine, meaningful connections. You can sign up for either twelve sessions with me or six sessions with me. I’m looking forward to showing up with presence and clarity for you during our time together.
If all the yoga philosophy talk inspires you, my next Yoga Sutra Study starts on January 20/21 at 7:30am Bali Time (6:30pm EST.) We would love to have you in the group. Check it out here.
For now, my focus is on recovery. Social media can wait. As I reflect on these six days of Instagram sobriety, I feel a growing sense of clarity and purpose. The breaking point has arrived, and I’m choosing freedom.
Reflection Prompts for Your Instagram Sobriety Journey:
What are the samskaras (habits) that Instagram has created in your life?
How can you use tapas (discipline) and svadhyaya (self-study) to shift these patterns?
What are you currently bowing to in your daily life, and what do you want to bow down to instead?