Day 45: Becoming Nobody
Reflections on 45 Days off of Instagram through the lens of Yoga Philosophy
Yesterday, I met a guy in a cafe here in Bali, and I told him about how I’d spent the last six years building a platform on Instagram, that I have pretty much stepped away from (it still exists, but I refer to it as my time capsule.) He asked me, “What must that have been like, going off Instagram? It must have felt like you disappeared.”
I love when he said that… because I felt like he was really with me in the moment, feeling what it felt like for me. It was certainly disorienting in the first two weeks, after living my life through the lens and identity of Sober Yoga Girl for the last six years. But now, I think I’ve found myself.
There was a trending audio last year on Instagram and TikTok that went, “I think I like this little life.” The idea was to share clips of ordinary, everyday moments. Yet, I never felt I could use that audio—because my life was not “little.” My life had become too “big.”
I got sober from alcohol in 2019. At the time where my alcohol addiction was most severe, I was a school teacher in the Middle East, traveling extensively. Between 2015 and 2019, I visited around forty countries, binge drinking in Thailand, Vietnam, Morocco, Cyprus. My Instagram flourished—likes, engagement, and comments from old friends: “You’re living the dream.” But I knew how I really felt on the inside - hollow and empty - and constantly in credit card debt. After getting sober, I had a stark realization: I was traveling not for myself, but for external validation. I craved a “little life.” So, in June 2019, at 2 months sober, I canceled almost all of my upcoming trips, including one to Lebanon, and stayed still.
Then, the pandemic arrived. My craving for a “little life” could not have been more perfectly timed. During lockdowns, I stayed home and built the Sober Yoga Girlcommunity and The Mindful Life Practice. But my “little life” soon became big again. My Instagram following grew to over 20,000. I was building a following to try to build my business, but I became immersed in likes, comments, and engagement metrics. Once borders reopened, I resumed traveling—this time doing so not just for pleasure, but now for work. I found myself leading international retreats for sober women in England, Mexico, Canada, Dubai, India, and beyond. My life since 2022 has been large, fast, and exhausting.
The Illusion of Success and the Ego’s Grip
The cycle of social media addiction mirrored my past struggles with alcohol. Yoga philosophy teaches us about Avidya (ignorance) and Asmita (egoism) as causes of suffering, as outlined in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. My ego (asmita) thrived on being seen and admired. But behind this big life was exhaustion and disconnection - which hit me in November 2024 when I slowed down for the first time in about two years in Panama and Costa Rica. In November 2024, it was the first time since July of 2023 that I wasn’t hosting back-to-back retreats and trainings in Bali and around the world. Suddenly depression, exhaustion and sadness hit me. I didn’t really know what I was feeling, but I see now that I was slowly realizing - I can’t live like this anymore.
Awakening to the Little Life
After 45 days away from Instagram, clarity has struck once again, just like it did when I got sober from alcohol: I don’t want to live a big life. I want my life to be small, simple, and soulful. I crave the essence of Santosha (contentment), one of the Niyamasof yoga philosophy. Don’t get me wrong - I am thrilled and absolutely honored and excited about all the international events I have coming up. On Wednesday I fly to Dubai to host a retreat with sober women that are former clients from when I used to live there. In Mid March I fly to India to take a group of sober women around the country to Delhi, Agra, Jaipur and Goa. In April I’ll be teaching on a YTT and teaching yoga for two retreats of sober women travelling from Boston and Texas. And in May I fly to Arizona to teach at the Sober in the City weekend event with Zeroproof experiences. It is the life of my dreams and I am thrilled to be doing this. But going forward, it will be time for me to slow down, turn inwards, and embrace simplicity. I want to be travelling for the right reasons - not to impress people on Instagram or because I want to give the appearance that I am a successful sober influencer - but because I really want to do it - and it feels spacious and easy and low stress for me.
I dream of a daily rhythm:
Waking up at sunrise to meditate and chant.
Teaching yoga philosophy on Zoom.
Walking to my local yoga studio.
Taking classes as a student.
Speaking Bahasa Indonesian with my neighbours.
Eating nutritious and delicious foods at the organic cafes in Bali.
Swimming in the ocean each day.
Reading books and going to bed early.
This is Santosha—contentment with what is.
Becoming Nobody
I’m currently reading Be Here Now by Ram Dass. He speaks about the path from “somebody” to “nobody.” In yoga, this is the dissolution of ego-identifications (upadhis). Society tells us to be “somebody” with titles and accomplishments:
"I am a yoga teacher."
"I am Sober Yoga Girl."
"I am successful because of my retreats and trainings."
But Ram Dass reminds us these labels are not our true selves. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali speaks of Kaivalya—ultimate freedom through self-realization. True peace lies in releasing our attachment to roles and simply being. As Ram Dass says:
"The game is not about becoming somebody, it’s about becoming nobody."
A New Path: Little, Simple, and Sacred
I will continue holding space for sober women. This is post is not to say I will ever stop that (because I won’t!) But I have a feeling that as I start to tune into my truth, my work will evolve. It’s no longer about the numbers, or making choices that are about the outside appearances. It’s now about how everything feels to me on the inside. Whether my platform grows or shrinks, it doesn’t matter. The Karma Yoga path teaches that we act without attachment to outcomes.
My life, my sadhana (spiritual practice), is to embrace the little life—a life of presence, service, and joy. Because, as the audio goes...
I think I like this little life.
🌿 Upcoming Programs:
200 Hour YTT Online : Starts March 25. https://www.themindfullifepractice.com/online-200-hour-yoga-teacher-training
Yoga Sutra Study (Online): Starts March 23.
https://www.themindfullifepractice.com/yoga-sutra-study
200-Hour YTT (In-Person): July 7–27, 2025
https://www.themindfullifepractice.com/bali-200-hour
300-Hour YTT (In-Person): September 1–18, 2025
https://www.themindfullifepractice.com/2025-300-hour-ytt-in-bali