Day 40: Letting Go Of the "Need to be Right"
Reflections on Spiritual Connection, Anger, and Identity in Recovery
I haven’t been feeling as connected to God/Spirit/Higher Power/Whatever you want to call it in the past week or so, and I’ve been trying to figure out why.
A lot of things have shifted, and I find myself in more suffering than usual. As I sat in contemplation, I pinpointed a few reasons:
Caffeine and Disconnection – My mornings changed. I had quit coffee about a month ago naturally when I got off Instagram, but in the last week matcha and croissants became my new ritual. I started walking to the coffee shop daily after my morning meditation, thinking I was getting back into my walking routine by doing so, but something felt off. A friend recently told me, “Coffee cuts off my connection to God.” That struck a chord. I realized I had replaced one stimulant with another, and it was still too much. So today, I let it go, and went down to the ocean and jumped in the ocean instead of going to the coffee shop.
In Yoga Sutra 2.16, Patanjali reminds us: Heyam duhkham anagatam—future suffering can be avoided. This choice to release caffeine isn’t about what I consume; it’s more about reducing the mental fluctuations (vrittis) that disrupt my ability to connect inward. Stimulants, even mild ones, can cloud the stillness that allows spiritual connection.
Lack of Wisdom Study – I set an ambitious goal to read 108 books in 2025. January started strong. I got through eight books. February? Overwhelmed. I started many, but so far I’ve finished none. Once I stopped reading every day, my spiritual nourishment dwindled.
Krishna tells Arjuna in Chapter 6, Verse 16: There is no possibility of one's becoming a yogi... for one who eats too much or eats too little, who sleeps too much or does not sleep enough. Balance is key, and I had let imbalance creep in. Wisdom texts are my anchor; without them, I drift.
Instagram Relapse – I haven’t scrolled, but I started checking my Instagram stories through my desktop. Indah, my social media manager, has been posting them for me, and I found myself checking who’d viewed/liked them. It seemed harmless, but I noticed the familiar pull—self-awareness, anxiety, the urge to see who was watching me. The subtle ego trap.
The Buddha speaks of the second arrow in suffering—pain arises, but we add suffering through attachment. Social media, even in moderation, pulls me back into attachment to identity (asmita), a major klesha (Yoga Sutra 2.3). The checking, the need for validation—it feeds suffering.
The “Alcoholic” Debate – This has consumed my thoughts. Should I identify as an alcoholic in meetings? The tension between labels, personal truth, and external expectations weighs heavy.
Ram Dass’ Becoming Nobody came back to me. Today, I listened again, landing on the chapter about anger—a perfect synchronicity. He spoke of how painful it is to be “right.”
“I realized that it was too painful to be right. It was costing me more than it was worth. I want to be part of the flow of the universe rather than to be sitting in judgment of it. The anger was not going to get me to God.”
This hit deep. My resistance to the label “alcoholic” is valid, but the attachment to being right about it is stealing my peace.
Yoga Sutra 1.12-1.16 teaches abhyasa (practice) and vairagya (non-attachment). True freedom comes not from proving a point, but from letting go. My work is to surrender.
The Path of Surrender
Lisa, a former yoga teacher training student, responded to my previous essay with wisdom:
“You don’t have to be a flag bearer of AA to make a difference in this world, Alexandra. You’ve already proven that many times over. You have created a space where others can come as they are.”
And when she sent me that, I realized - she’s right. That’s enough. I don’t need to be an activist in AA to impact the world of addiction and recovery. My work—helping others heal through yoga, mindfulness, and sobriety—stands on its own. I do not need to fight to prove my truth. If I enter rooms where I am welcomed to identify as “in recovery” then I will. But right now, I’m entering a room where it’s unwelcomed, and I don’t want to trigger anger or sit in anger. So I will let it go.
So I surrender. For now, I let go of the need to be right. As Ram Dass says:
“I realize that I am not free, and I want to be free. So I let it go. My job is to keep my heart open, because if my heart is open, they can change that much faster.”
This is my practice now: Letting go, trusting the path, and reconnecting to the stillness that brings me back to God.
Last Call! Your Journey Starts February 10
This is your final reminder—our Online Pranayama & Meditation 100-Hour YTTstarts Monday February 10!
This program is for you if:
✔️ You’re a yoga teacher or dedicated practitioner wanting to deepen your knowledge
✔️ You want to lead meditation & pranayama with confidence
✔️ You’re ready to develop a structured personal practice with guidance from expert teachers
By the end of this training, you’ll:
🧘 Have a solid mantra meditation practice
🌬️ Be skilled in teaching pranayama and breathwork
📖 Understand the philosophy and science behind breath & meditation
🎤 Lead a community workshop to apply what you’ve learned
This is your last chance to secure your spot before doors close!