Day 39: We Walk in the Footsteps of Those Who Came Before Us
Ancestors, Sobriety and Spiritual Transformations
Today, I taught a number of very busy classes down in Bingin Beach, Uluwatu. I am really loving life in Uluwatu these days. It feels like I’m in the heart of town, within walking distance to the yoga studio where I teach, cafes, and the beach—yet I also feel far enough into the forest, down an empty road, that it feels rural. Every day when I wake up, I do my meditation practice, and then I walk down to the beach and jump in the water. I feel like I am connecting to the universe when I do this. I surrender to something greater than myself. I experience purification and renewal. I am pulled into the present. It helps me see infinity and oneness. I let go and trust the flow. And for me, this feels like transformation.
The Bhagavad Gita teaches the concept of Ishvarapranidhana, surrender to the divine. When I submerge myself in the ocean, I surrender my individual self to the vastness of nature, much like Arjuna, who learns in the Gita to surrender to Krishna’s wisdom rather than his own doubts. This daily ritual has become a way for me to relinquish control and place trust in something greater than my limited perspective.
After jumping in the water first thing today, I headed over to the studio to teach my first class. The class had over twenty people, and there were more booked in who weren’t there as the class was starting. The reception staff came in a couple of times to let me know that we were still waiting for people, and because I didn’t want us to have to shuffle and squeeze around after the class began, I laid out three mats for them in three different corners of the room.
Those three people never showed up.
As the class began, I told the students that this reminded me of something that happened years ago at a Yoga Teacher Training. I had set out a spot for my boss to take in the opening circle, and my boss had never shown up. A student raised her hand and asked, “Is there a reason why this extra spot is here?” I told her it was because I thought my boss was coming. She responded, “Oh, because in my culture, we always put an extra spot out for the ancestors. I was wondering if that was what it was for.”
I think of that always—every time there is an extra seat at the table, a mat in the room, or a meditation cushion. I think of the ancestors who have brought us this tradition. These ancestors carried this wisdom forward, and we are part of a lineage that has been passed from heart to heart through thousands of years. In Buddha Dharma, we honor our spiritual ancestors as those who have walked the path before us, from the Buddha himself to the countless practitioners who have cultivated wisdom and compassion over generations.
Lately, I have been in moral conflict over labeling myself as an alcoholic versus not. A confrontation with someone regarding this has been weighing on my mind since Thursday. After my yoga class, I went to breakfast with a lovely woman I met at a meeting and started telling her all about my feelings around this dogmatic aspect of the AA community. She was super supportive of my perspectives and then said to me, “Don’t assume that everyone agrees with that one lady. I personally agree with exactly what you’re saying. There are probably people in the rooms thinking the exact same thing as you, but they just don’t have the nerve to say it. And they’re probably thinking, good for you for saying it.” This reframed things for me.
This woman arguing with me says I will be most in service to others if I identify as an ‘alcoholic’. But I’m actually starting to think that I will be most in service to people in recovery if I actually do the opposite, and don’t identify as one - because I’ll be starting to break down barriers in the room and open up the people in there to new perspectives and ways of thinking and appropriate vocabulary. And truly, I have nothing to lose by doing this. I have my recovery community already with the Mindful Life Practice. So maybe this is the current dharma I have in this moment.
She then added, “You know, if you spend so much time thinking about this woman, you’re not leaving a gap for the ancestors. You need to let her go to make space for your work and wisdom to channel through you.”
She’s right. I’ve given this woman so much thought and energy over this weekend that I haven’t been able to focus on much else—my work, my growth, my spiritual path.
As the day progressed, I started to think about how interesting it was that there were three empty mats today in the room. It reminded me of the Hindu Trimurti—Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva—representing the cosmic cycle of creation, preservation, and destruction:
Brahma – The Creator (brings things into existence; the ‘G’ of God for Generator)
Vishnu – The Preserver (maintains and sustains life; the ‘O’ of God for Organizer)
Shiva – The Destroyer/Transformer (dissolves and regenerates for renewal; the ‘D’ of God for Destroyer)
This mirrors ancestral energy:
Ancestors create (Brahma), guide and protect (Vishnu), and ultimately return to the cosmos (Shiva), leaving their wisdom behind.
The Divine functions as creation, sustenance, and transformation, representing the oneness of reality in different aspects.
Maybe that’s what these mats represented today. Am I in a destruction phase right now, as I make space for new?
Tonight, we had the pre-retreat call for India 2025, where a group of sober women will be traveling together on The Mindful Life Practices retreat. It felt like an exhale to be amongst women like this again. I’m so grateful for AA meetings and for the sober community offline. But being in this space, where no one needs to identify with any term or label other than "alcohol-free," is a different kind of sanctuary.
Someone in The Mindful Life Practice recommended Recovery Dharma to me, a Buddhist-themed recovery program. A recovery path rooted in mindfulness, the Four Noble Truths, and the Eightfold Path? Sign me up. I’m considering hosting in-person meetings in Bali to create a broader in-person recovery community beyond AA.
On Friday night, after the Recovery Dharma meeting, the women in my Yoga Sutra study class and I had a good laugh about everything. Many of them have AA experience and could understand my perspective on things. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard about anything. One of them asked if the meeting I attended was an open one. I looked it up and read:
“An open AA meeting is a gathering where anyone, including non-alcoholics, is welcome to attend as an observer to learn about the program and hear personal recovery stories.”
So actually—there is no requirement for me to label myself as an alcoholic to be there.
I think there are two spiritual assignments for me here:
To open minds and hearts to different perspectives, in a peaceful way.
To have a firsthand experience of AA. I’ve spent years supporting women who felt alienated by it, but now I’m experiencing why firsthand.
This might be my life purpose right now. Today, I spoke about the ancestors on the yoga mats. Ancestors could be figures like Patanjali and the Buddha—but they could also include people like Bill W., the founder of AA. My teacher Rolf says, “We walk in the footsteps of those who came before us.” I honor these wisdom traditions while also perceiving them with a critical and open mind, seeing where there is room for change.
In service and gratitude,
Alexandra
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