Day 36: Recovery and Ritual
How Structure, Spirituality and Surrender Shape My Sobriety
This chapter of my life is about addiction recovery, and Wednesdays have become one of my favourite days—though they are long and full. Each moment is woven with practices that remind me of the teachings I value: the 12 Steps, Yoga Sutras, Buddha Dharma, and the Bhagavad Gita. These sacred traditions help me make sense of my journey, offering structure, resilience, and surrender in equal measure.
After my morning routine, I meet my online meditation & pranayama yoga teacher training group (the next one starts next Tuesday, by the way—you can sign up here!).Then, I meet my teacher, Rolf. After that, I drive to Canggu for an AA 12-Step meeting. I have a harmonium lesson, then return to Uluwatu for an evening kirtan.
This morning, our Vedic Meditation teacher, Rory, joined us for class. He asked us to reflect on the benefits of a twice-daily meditation practice, and I made a list:
The Gifts of Meditation:
Processing to let go—whether it’s small annoyances like unsolicited advice or deeper emotional triggers. (Yoga Sutra 1.12: Abhyasa-Vairagya—Practice and Non-Attachment)
Cultivating awareness—observing my emotions instead of being controlled by them. (The Buddha’s teachings on Vipassana—insight meditation and mindful awareness)
Avoiding unnecessary drama—starting my day with equanimity instead of reactivity.
Lowering cortisol— my body is regulating stress better.
Receiving spontaneous creativity—so many ideas arrive in stillness. (Bhagavad Gita 2.50: Yoga is skill in action—creativity flows when we align with divine wisdom.)
Increasing productivity—pausing to meditate in the afternoon makes me more effective than forcing my way through.
Establishing structure—a foundation that feels aligned with my highest self.
Bowing to Structure: A New Kind of Devotion
This week, I reached two major milestones: 30 days off Instagram and 30 days of twice-daily, 20-minute meditation.
I told Rolf this morning that this might be the first time in my 32 years that I’ve had a healthy structure in my life. Yes, I had structure when I was a schoolteacher, but that was a different kind—13-hour workdays, stress, burnout. This is the first time my structure is in service of inner peace rather than external productivity.
I have a morning routine, a midday reset, and a digital sunset—all marked in my calendar. And it all stems from a lesson Rolf shared:
“How you organize your day is what you bow down to.”
This reminds me of the Bhagavad Gita, where Krishna tells Arjuna, “A person is what their faith makes them. Whatever they devote themselves to, they become.” (Bhagavad Gita 17.3)
I am choosing to devote myself to healing, to mindfulness, to sobriety.
Addiction Beyond Alcohol: Expanding the Conversation
In our meditation and mental health class, we discussed addiction’s pervasiveness. Tommy Rosen identifies the Big Six addictions: drugs, alcohol, food, people, money, and technology. I have struggled with all of them—except drugs.
This is where I sometimes feel tension with AA’s belief system. The rigidity around self-identifying as an alcoholic feels limiting. I know the 12 Steps work because they guide people toward surrender, service, and spiritual awakening. But addiction manifests in so many ways beyond alcohol. Social media addiction, for example, has affected my dopamine regulation, attention span, and overall well-being—yet, in some meetings, I don’t always feel that struggle is seen as valid.
I also don’t really agree with the idea that some people are born “alcoholics.” I had dinner with a guy the other night who said something like, “I never wanted to marry or date someone in AA, because I wanted to give my kids a chance, and I didn’t want them to have two parents that were alcoholics.”
I didn’t say so in that moment, but I thought to myself, “Wow. I would LOVE to date or marry someone in AA!” The reason why is because I would love to be in a relationship with someone that is actively working on themselves. I think everyone has problems, and addiction and suffering is universal. You can either acknowledge your struggles and put effort into your recovery from them or you can ignore them. And I am no longer interested in being with people who ignore their problems. So yes, I’d rather date someone who is in AA than not in AA, or someone who is in some other kind of recovery, self discovery program.
And I think this shows a key difference in our philosophical beliefs - on what is addiction, and who can become addicted. In my opinion, I think addiction and suffering is universal.
Today, though, I went to a different AA group—one where addiction was discussed more broadly, and people were speaking to substances and vices and habits beyond booze. Though I didn’t share (since I was new), I felt welcome and seen. This, to me, is the essence of Sangha—the spiritual community that Buddha spoke of.
One Month Into 2025: Standing in My Truth
Rolf’s words echo in my mind: “How you organize your day is what you bow down to.”
Thirty five days into this year, I feel so proud of myself. My daily non-negotiables have been: ✔ Staying off Instagram
✔ Attending a recovery meeting
✔ Meditating twice a day
And I’ve done 35 days of it.
In Yoga Sutra 2.1, Patanjali defines Kriya Yoga as Tapas (discipline), Svadhyaya (self-study), and Ishvarapranidhana (surrender to the Divine). My daily structure reflects this: the discipline of my routines, the self-study through meetings and reflection, and the surrender to a higher path.
I am looking forward to laying the foundation for the rest of the year and I hope you join me on one of my retreats or programs.
With love and gratitude,
Alexandra
Online Pranayama & Meditation YTT
Are you ready to deepen your yoga practice and gain the confidence to lead transformative pranayama and meditation sessions? Many yoga teachers leave their 200-hour training feeling uncertain about how to guide these powerful techniques. That’s why I created the Online Pranayama & Meditation 100-Hour YTT—to fill in the gaps and help you master these essential practices.
In this training, you'll:
✨ Develop a twice-daily mantra meditation practice
✨ Learn to teach a variety of meditation techniques, including Yoga Nidra, Metta, and visualization practices
✨ Explore pranayama in-depth with expert Balinese teachers
✨ Understand the connection between breath, energy, and mental health
✨ Lead a final meditation/pranayama workshop to solidify your skills
The program starts February 10, and spots are filling up! If you want to guide students with confidence and deepen your own practice, now is the time to join.
Upcoming Retreat
One spot in a shared room left on the Adventure to India March 9 - 19, 2025.
One room left on the United Arab Emirates Retreat February 21 - 23.
Just came across your Substack and have enjoyed these essays that dig into your structure and practices around sobriety. I feel like culturally, there are increasingly conversations about sobriety from the big picture, but not enough conversations that get into the weeds and share strategies and practices that work for different people. I know that personally for me, meditation and yoga has been such a game changer.