Day 34: It Will Either Save You or Destroy You
A New Recovery Program Coming Soon
On Friday night, I was speaking on the phone to a friend of my teacher, who had connected us because he said I had a gift for chanting and mantras. He wanted me to speak with him about it. I wasn’t sure what I’d talk to him about, especially since since we’d first spoken, I’d bought a harmonium, started taking lessons, and even led my first Kirtan in Ubud. It feels like I’m on my way to leading Kirtans, which is one of my visions for 2025.
Rolf’s friend said to me, “Have you ever thought about writing your own mantras?”
“Hmm... writing mantras? I’d never even thought about it before.”
I told him that I used to write music when I was a teenager, but it was all born from suffering and sadness. “What would that even be like, to write mantras from a place of joy, healing, and connection? I don’t even know.”
He replied with a quote I now love:
“If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you.”
Yesterday, I sat down at the harmonium, and mantras just started flowing out of me. It felt almost unbelievable.
This past month has brought a powerful shift in my understanding of addiction—specifically addiction transference and my recovery from technology addiction. Looking back, I realize I’ve been playing addiction whack-a-mole for the last five years: coffee, the gym, yoga, food, people, Instagram, TikTok—the list goes on. This pattern indicates that the root causes beneath my issues are still in need of resolution.
I've had an amazing month being part of the AA 12-Step fellowship in Bali. There are aspects I love about it, and aspects that bother me, which I’ve written about in a previous post: the tendency of others to give unsolicited advice, the belief of AA being the only path to recovery, and the need to identify oneself as an alcoholic.
But, there are elements I deeply appreciate, which I now realize were missing from my own recovery journey—and are missing from my Sober Girls Yoga 30-Day Challengeprogram. For instance, I love the solidity of the 12 Steps. I love the framework of going to meetings and the sense of community and accountability it fosters. I also love that AA meetings happen everywhere, and there is consistency and structure. This structure is something that’s been absent from my own program, and I now see how this might be hindering the progress of women in my challenge.
I haven’t given my students enough structure. I’ve been too flexible, allowing them to decide what works for them, but I realize now that I wasn’t providing enough direction. I didn’t insist on daily yoga practice or participation in meetings, just suggest it. I thought I was offering them freedom to create their own recovery paths, but in hindsight, I see how crucial structure is. Without a framework, true healing can feel elusive.
This experience has also brought my attention to the concept of addiction transference, which refers to the way we substitute one addiction with another to cope with emotions. I’ve been seeing this more clearly in myself and the women I work with. This has prompted me to reevaluate how I can better serve those in recovery—not only from alcohol or substances but from all forms of escapism.
In my reading, I’ve explored several books on overcoming suffering, including Recovery Dharma, which integrates Buddhist philosophy with the recovery process. I began to wonder if there was a recovery program rooted in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, with yoga and meditation as the foundation. Though I found books on this subject, I’ve yet to discover a structured program focused solely on this.
This morning, while reading a book about The Bhagavad Gita by Stephen Cope, the same quote appeared that Rolf’s friend had shared with me:
“If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you.” — Gnostic Gospel of Thomas
At that moment, my brain sparked with ideas. I began making connections between my own program, the principles I love from other recovery communities, and the deep wisdom of the yoga tradition. I started to realize what’s been missing from Sober Girls Yoga—something that honors the ongoing nature of recovery in all areas of life, not just alcohol use. Something that supports people in the long term in their recovery and prevents addiction transference. Something that honors the functional system of recovery. I’m asking myself: how can I develop a program that’s inclusive, accessible, and integrates the wisdom traditions I’ve dedicated my life to studying over the last five years?
The ideas are coming faster now, and I’m beyond excited to share them. As I sat waiting for a meeting this morning, the following quote came to mind:
“If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot—a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in—God will rush in—and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.” — Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
This is where I’m at now. I’ve cleared the space I was using to obsess over Instagram, and in its place, something much greater is rushing in. It’s filling me with an unexpected love and creative energy, something I never imagined possible.
Something really exciting is coming soon, and I want you to be part of it. Stay tuned—you belong here.
Upcoming Online Courses
Bhagavad Gita Studies
The Bhagavad Gita offers timeless wisdom for navigating life’s challenges with grace and purpose. This program is designed to make the Gita’s teachings accessible, relatable, and transformative.
*Two timings, one for North America and one for Europe*
Dates and Details: Link
Module 1:
Group A: (North America): Sunday February 2, February 9 and February 16 at 6:00pm EST (Bali): Monday February 3, February 10 and February 17 at 7:00am AWST
Group B: (Bali) Tuesday February 4, February 11 and February 18 at 6:00pm AWST (London) Tuesday February 4, February 11 and February 18 at 10:00am BST
Module 2: March 30/31, April 13/14, April 27/28
Module 3: June 1/2, June 8/9, June 15/16
Pranayama & Meditation Yoga Teacher Training
This 100-hour Advanced Yoga Teacher Training focuses on pranayama and meditation techniques, particularly for mental health. By the end of the training, you’ll have a solid foundation to lead these practices with confidence.
*New Timing Offered*
Dates and Details: Link
Starts Feb 10th
6:00pm-7:30pm AWST (Bali Time) on Mondays
10:00am London
2:00pm Dubai
Upcoming Retreat
One spot in a shared room left on the Adventure to India March 9 - 19, 2025.
One room left on the United Arab Emirates Retreat February 21 - 23.