Day 30: A Spiritual Assignment in Disguise
Yoga Sutra 2.21: Lessons in Boundaries, Trust and Compassion
Today, another person gave me some unsolicited advice. It really annoyed me, but I practiced mindfulness and compassion. I said a simple, "Thank you for sharing."
But internally, I was frustrated. Maybe it bothered me more than usual because I had recently written a blog post about why we shouldn’t give unsolicited advice. This particular moment felt even more triggering.
I’m beginning to understand why so many women feel alienated by the AA program. I rarely share in meetings, yet almost every time I do, I’m met after the meeting with unsolicited advice from a different man about my share…. It’s mansplaining.
Merriam-Webster defines mansplaining as: "to explain something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge about the topic." Lately, I feel like many well-meaning men are mansplaining to me. I’m not asking for help, yet advice keeps coming.
With this slight annoyance in my heart… I rode my bike to the bengkel (motorbike repair shop). I don’t speak enough Bahasa to describe the exact repair needed, but I do know how to tell them the problem: "Permissi - Mesin Nyai Buni - Tolong cek mesin nyai."("Excuse me, the engine is making a sound. Please check the engine.") My teacher taught me this phrase, and I felt a sense of accomplishment speaking it confidently.
As I waited for my bike to be repaired, I reflected on why unsolicited advice has been frustrating me so much lately. I realized that since I was having a very human emotional reaction, it was the perfect time for my second meditation of the day.
That’s the beauty of meditation—you don’t need a yoga mat or special clothes. You can do it anywhere. I opened my Insight Timer app and began repeating my mantra in my mind. As I meditated, the man who had given me unsolicited advice earlier came to mind. I held his image in my mind’s eye and offered Metta meditation:
May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be free.
Happy, Healthy, Free.
Then, a realization hit me: Oh my god—unsolicited advice is my spiritual assignment right now!
Understanding Spiritual Assignments
I used to be a big fan of Gabby Bernstein’s work. While I’ve since evolved toward studying wisdom texts like the Bhagavad Gita and Buddha Dharma, I still appreciate her teachings. Bernstein talks about spiritual assignments—challenges, relationships, or situations placed in our path to help us grow, heal, and evolve spiritually. She teaches that difficult moments aren’t just obstacles; they’re opportunities for transformation.
According to Gabby, when something triggers us, it’s not random. It’s meant to teach us something about ourselves. Instead of resisting, we should lean into the lesson. Maybe this wave of unsolicited advice isn’t just randomly happening to me—it’s an invitation to learn.
This ties into something I was teaching to this mornings Yoga Sutra Study group, as well. We were discussing yoga sutra 2.21. “The purpose of the known is only for the soul to see.” Or, every single thing in this material world, on planet earth, exists for us to learn. So if everything is to learn, then what am I learning right now from this problem? What is it teaching me?
Here are a few options:
Strengthening My Boundaries
The biggest frustration is people overstepping. I struggle with asserting my boundaries and expressing how I really feel. Next time, I might say, "I appreciate your input, but I trust my own path." This lesson is about standing firm in my decisions without feeling the need to justify them.Trusting Myself More Deeply
In the past, unsolicited advice led me to second-guess myself. Now, it feels like an invitation to develop greater confidence in my own wisdom. People will always have opinions, but they only have power if I let them. This is my chance to anchor into my inner knowing.Letting Go of External Validation
Part of me feels misunderstood when I receive unsolicited advice. A part of me wishes people would see how capable I am. But this is an opportunity to detach from needing others’ validation and feel secure in my own journey.Practicing Compassion & Non-Reactivity
People often give unsolicited advice because they’re projecting their own fears. Instead of reacting with frustration, my assignment is to respond with grace, recognizing that their words say more about them than about me.
The Drama Triangle: Breaking the Cycle
After my motorbike was fixed (and I was thrilled to finally ride it without the funny sounds!), I thought about a powerful concept I read about last night in How to Die Happy by Martin O’Toole: Karpman’s Drama Triangle. It’s a framework for recognizing unhealthy interactions and protecting our energy.
The Drama Triangle consists of three roles:
Victim: Feels powerless and seeks rescuers, often hosting "pity parties."
Rescuer: Seeks validation by "helping," enabling victims instead of empowering them.
Persecutor: Criticizes, blames, and attacks without offering real guidance.
These roles create toxic dynamics. The best response? Step out of the triangle. Transform the dynamic or remove yourself from it entirely.
I don’t believe I’m playing the victim when I express my frustration. I recognize my ability to help myself. However, those offering unsolicited advice may be acting as rescuers (trying to "help" me) or persecutors (criticizing me). Either way, having awareness of it, and recognizing the toxic interactions, is the first step to stepping out of the drama triangle, before I start to step into the role as victim. I can shift the energy by calmly asserting my boundaries:
"Thanks for your advice, but I trust my own journey."
This is the spiritual assignment. This is my practice for the next time it happens.
Thank you to the ten paid subscribers of the Daily Dharma who are supporting this publication!
January 2025 Book Reviews
I set an intention to read 108 books in 2025—about two per week. Here’s what I’ve read so far:
Getting to Heaven by Laurie McRobert
My grandmother wrote this book before she passed away. Reading it for the first time made me feel deeply connected to her journey.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Assigned by my teacher Rolf, this book helped me understand how people get addicted to their pain bodies by constantly reliving the past or fearing the future. The solution? Stay present.
The Other Side of Suffering by John Ramsey
John Ramsey, father of JonBenét Ramsey, shares his story of faith after immense tragedy. I found his resilience and spiritual journey inspiring.
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma
This book presents seven virtues for a life of purpose, joy, and inner peace. My biggest takeaway? Discipline and self-mastery are the foundation of a fulfilling life.
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
This book is about taking a 30 day smartphone detox. I highly recommend it if you’re also having issues with your phone usage and need a solution.
Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen
I don’t know why it took me so long to read this book. Laura McKowen is the author of the excellent quit lit book, We are the Luckiest. In this book she explains her 9 Things, which are so famously the mantra of her sober community, The Luckiest Club.
Upcoming Online Courses
Bhagavad Gita Studies
The Bhagavad Gita offers timeless wisdom for navigating life’s challenges with grace and purpose. This program is designed to make the Gita’s teachings accessible, relatable, and transformative.
*Two timings, one for North America and one for Europe*
Dates and Details: Link
Pranayama & Meditation Yoga Teacher Training
This 100-hour Advanced Yoga Teacher Training focuses on pranayama and meditation techniques, particularly for mental health. By the end of the training, you’ll have a solid foundation to lead these practices with confidence.
*New Timing Offered*
Dates and Details: Link
Yoga Sutra Study Masterclass
Dive into Patanjali's Yoga Sutras and explore the spiritual roadmap they provide for self-discovery and liberation.
*Two timings, one for North America and one for Europe*
Dates and Details: Link
Other Ways to Support My Work:
Buy my book on Amazon (Sober Yoga Girl)
Buy merchandise from my shop
Sign up for upcoming retreats and trainings
Upcoming International Retreats:
United Arab Emirates: February 21 - 23, 2025 Letting Go Retreat
India: March 9 - 19, 2025 (one spot in a shared room left!) This is a Sober Women’s Adventure around India.
Arizona: May 16 - 18, 2025 Sober in The City Event
Bali: May 25 - 31, 2025. A vedic meditation & yoga retreat coled by my friend Rory Kinsella and I.
Bali 200-Hour Teacher Training: July 7 - 27, 2025
Bali 300-Hour Advanced Teacher Training: September 1 - 18, 2025
Bahasa Indonesian Word of the Day
"Takdir" (pronounced: tahk-deer) means destiny or fate.
In the context of spiritual assignments, takdir represents the lessons and challenges the universe places in our path for personal and spiritual growth. Gabby Bernstein often speaks about how difficult situations are actually divine assignments meant to help us evolve—just as takdir guides us toward our highest potential.