Day 20: Letting Go In Order to Receive: Self Care and Alignment
How Letting Go Transforms Recovery and Purpose
Today is my 20th day off Instagram, and I felt at a loss for what to write about, which I think is a good thing. My mind feels empty, which it hasn’t felt for the earlier 19 days. (I’ve also been quite sick for the last two days, so that might be part of it. I slept for about 12 hours last night and have been having a lot of tummy issues that I think are rabies vaccine side effects.)
Today I managed to make my way through a lot of items on the to-do list, related to business things that had fallen aside. It feels so good to accomplish it all. There’s still a number of things on the list to do, but it gets smaller and smaller each day.
Earlier this month, my teacher said to me, “How you organize your day is what you bow down to.” And “Do you really want to bow down to Instagram?” This reminded me of the yoga teaching of isvara pranidhana – surrendering to a higher purpose. When we let go of external distractions and reorient our focus toward meaningful priorities, we create a life aligned with our values and the divine within us.
My priorities have been blocking off time first thing each morning just to meditate and take care of myself, getting to Twelve Step meetings each day, reading, writing, and being present with people. Starting as soon as I can, I won’t be taking work calls after 7:30 p.m. My priorities are shifting to take care of me. This shift is rooted in the principle of santosha (contentment), which teaches us to find peace in the present moment rather than seeking validation or fulfillment from external sources like social media.
Something big that prompted this shift was this amazing person I met in December (that I was convinced I was going to date, lol, because he was so special). I realized shortly after I met him that once he got to know me, he wouldn’t want to date someone like me—because I really wasn’t living in line with my values. So starting this January was my intention to shift my actions to more closely align with my words. Not for him, but so that I could keep attracting people in my life like him. Today, it made me think of this quote:
“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.’” – Jim Rohn.
This idea resonates deeply with the teachings of the Buddha Dharma and the 12 Steps, both of which emphasize personal responsibility and self-awareness. The Buddha taught that to transform our relationships with others, we must first transform ourselves. Similarly, in the 12 Steps, there’s an ongoing commitment to self-inventory and amends, both of which require inner growth before outward change.
The amazing thing is that the more I take care of myself, the more special people taking care of themselves just keep appearing in front of me. This is the principle of vairagya (non-attachment) in action. By releasing my grasp on what I thought I needed, I’ve opened myself up to receive unexpected blessings.
I was thinking today about how one of my favourite themes to teach on retreats is “Letting Go in Order to Receive.” There can be beauty in letting go if we open our minds to it. I’ve continuously been taught this theme by my life experiences. I was so scared to quit Instagram. But when I finally quit Instagram and shifted to Substack, I never could have predicted the beauty and benefit of being here. One of the best (unexpected) rewards is that we already have six paid subscribers. The finances of my business were hectic, to say the least, before this move to Substack - and I wasn’t expecting to make any money from Substack, just to have a place to process my recovery. So thank you to Erin, Cherie, Anita, Celeste, Brenda, and an anonymous contributor (it just has their email address, and I don’t want to reveal this, lol!). Your support of The Daily Dharma is so appreciated.
The last thing I’ll share is that in this journey of letting go of Kuwait over the last year or so, so many symbolic things have happened. The resort where my ex and I met, where I used to teach yoga, closed in October. In September, I got prompted that someone was trying to log into one of my old Instagram accounts that I had completely forgotten about, alexinq8 (which kind of spooked me, but it hasn’t happened since then, so I let it go). And today, I got an email from Gmail about an email account I’d forgotten I’d ever opened that was being closed due to inactivity: thedesertyogikuwait@gmail.com. These little moments feel like subtle invitations from the universe, to just let go.
This process reminds me of aparigraha (non-possessiveness), the fifth yama of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. By releasing attachments to the past, we create space for the new and allow life to flow naturally. Each step in this journey of letting go has brought me closer to recovery, clarity, and alignment with my dharma.
Today I chanted “My Foolish Heart/Bhaja Govinda” (here’s the link) and here’s what Krishna Das wrote about this mantra on his website:
”The words “Bhaja Govindam” are an exhortation to adore and love God. In the 8th century, the great saint, Adi Shankaracharya, wrote a beautiful hymn called “Bhaja Govindam.” It is a unique prayer as it unifies the path of Wisdom (Jnana Marg) and the path of Devotion (Bhakti Marg). Shankaracharya praises Devotion as a spiritual path that leads to liberation. The legend is that he was walking with his disciples when he saw an old scholar teaching his young students the rules of Sanskrit grammar. Shankaracharya told the old man that now that he was so old he should turn his mind toward God and stop wasting time. In every verse he described the ways that life is passing by and with it our opportunity to find freedom from suffering. Each verse was addressed to “my foolish mind/heart,” mudhamate in Sanskrit. I wrote a couple of verses in English with the same feeling."
Right now, I am continuing to prioritize my recovery, and I’m so grateful to have all of you as a community supporting that. It’s the practice of the art of letting go and receiving the beauty that emerges when we do.
Upcoming Online Programs:
Online Vedic Meditation Training with Rory
Want to develop a consistent Vedic Meditation practice with Rory? In this training, which is four days, 90 minutes each, you'll learn the technique of Vedic Meditation with an expert teacher, and develop the tools to integrate a consistent, twice daily, twenty minute Vedic Meditation Practice.
Tuesday January 21st 6:30pm-8:00pm EST, Toronto Time (Wednesday January 22nd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
Wednesday January 22nd 6:30pm-8:30pm EST, Toronto Time (Thursday January 23rd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
Sunday January 26th 6:30pm-8:30pm EST, Toronto Time (Thursday January 23rd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
Tuesday January 28th 6:30pm-8:30pm EST, Toronto Time (Thursday January 23rd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
During this class we will:
Unpack the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, a 2500-year-old text, in an accessible way
Learn and understand some foundations of yogic philosophy as described by Patanjali
Embark on a spiritual journey toward deeper understanding of yourself.
Start Date: JANUARY 20th/21st START DATE (ENDS SEPTEMBER 2025)
Mondays at 6:30pm EST (Bali Time - Tuesdays at 7:30am AWST)
Upcoming International Retreats
Here’s a sneak peek at what’s coming up:
United Arab Emirates: February 18 - 23 or 21 - 23, 2025 Letting Go Retreat
India: March 9 - 19, 2025 (one room left!) This is a Sober Women’s Adventure around India.
Arizona: May 16 - 18, 2025 Sober in The City Event
Bali: May 25 - 31, 2025. A vedic meditation & yoga retreat coled by my friend Rory Kinsella and I.
Bali 200-Hour Teacher Training: July 7 - 27, 2025
Bali 300-Hour Advanced Teacher Training: September 1 - 18, 2025