Day 17: Lessons in Chaos and Healing
A Dog Bite & The Lessons in Pain
I’m sitting in the Bali Medical Centre waiting for a rabies vaccine as I write this. Tonight, on my way to a 12-step meeting, a dog bolted into the street out of nowhere. I was coming around a corner on my motorbike and, afraid of hitting the dog, I slowed down. That’s when the dog jumped on my bike and bit me.
I was absolutely terrified and in shock.
If you know how things work in Bali, you’d know there wasn’t much I could do. Unlike in Canada, where there are strict leash laws, addressing this with the dog’s owner felt pointless—and honestly, I was too scared to get near the dog again. The owner shouted at the dog and brought it back inside their house, leaving me stopped in the street sitting on my bike, shaken. I drove straight to the nearest clinic.
Of course, my first thought was, If I hadn’t tried to go to this 12-step meeting, this wouldn’t have happened. Ironically, I wasn’t even supposed to attend this meeting tonight. I’d planned to teach a yoga class, but earlier this week, I realized how important it was for me to get to meetings. I found a sub at the last minute, which freed me up to go. About 90 minutes later, I was bit by the dog on the way there.
When I arrived at the clinic, I discovered the rabies treatment would cost $4,000—a shocking amount for Bali. While the vaccine itself was only $90 (and requires four doses over the next month), I also needed five Immunoglobulin shots to provide immediate passive immunity against rabies. Worse, I realized my health insurance had expired, and I’d forgotten to renew it.
For years, I’ve lived on the edge financially, juggling my life like a game of Jenga, where one sudden expense could bring everything crashing down. This time, though, I had the money to cover it, and I felt immense gratitude for that. But as I sat there, I realized situations like this are why I need the 12 steps—to bring more stability and manageability into my life.
Between running my podcast, magazine, app, retreats, and trainings, my life for the last five years has felt chaotic and overwhelming. Important tasks, like renewing my health insurance, slip through the cracks. You’d think I would have learned from my 2023 motorbike accident—also without insurance—that staying on top of these basics is essential. But juggling so many responsibilities leaves me dropping too many balls. 2025 is the year that I’m coming to the realization that it’s just not a sustainable way to live anymore.
A month ago, someone asked me, “Do you think there’s danger in humans making meaning of things they don’t understand?” I replied that making meaning helps me avoid feeling like a victim of my life. Sitting in the doctor’s office, I reframed the situation. I’d almost skipped the meeting because of my yoga class, but at the last minute, I’d found a sub. Then, on my way to the meeting, a dog bit me, and I didn’t make it after all. Clearly, for whatever reason, I wasn’t meant to be at tonight’s meeting.
This doesn’t mean the 12 steps aren’t for me; it simply means tonight’s meeting wasn’t.
While waiting for the vaccine, I realized I hadn’t done my second 20-minute meditation of the day. My packed schedule hadn’t allowed it. Starting with an 8:30 a.m. Zoom call about our Arizona Sober in the City event in May, I’d moved straight to teaching a yoga class, a two-hour appointment, Bahasa language class, a post office trip to mail out The Mindful Life Magazine, and teaching another class at 4:00 p.m.
Sitting there, I saw that something had to change. Whilst I’ve done a really good time of honoring my mornings and evenings by not working before 7:30am and after 7:30pm in the last few weeks, I clearly didn’t honor myself enough today to schedule in that time for rest. Every day should have downtime in the middle to pause and practice my second meditation.
Earlier today, I was reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, assigned by my teacher Rolf. Tolle writes about two types of pain: the “pain-body,” which stems from the past, and new pain we create in the present. Meditation addresses both. The first meditation of the day handles current challenges, like the dog bite, while the second dives deeper, helping release old traumas. That’s why Rory, my Vedic meditation teacher, recommends that we practice twice a day during the Vedic meditation training. (We’re offering the next one next week with the Mindful Life Practice online!)
How I respond to today’s trauma determines whether it becomes another burden to carry.
The doctor told me her receptionist had called her urgently, saying, “Come quickly; there’s a girl bleeding and crying a lot!” It was a normal reaction to shock. I let myself feel the fear and process the moment.
Then, I meditated.
Meditation helped me disconnect from my pain-body and reconnect with the now. This aligns with Yoga Sutra 2.16: “Future pain can be avoided.”
When we come to this Sutra often when I’m teaching the Yoga Sutra Study, students will ask, “But how can you avoid things that happen to you? For example, you couldn’t control the dog biting you, could you?”
No, I couldn’t control the bite. But I can control how I respond to it. Beating myself up for not renewing my insurance or resenting Bali’s leash-free culture wouldn’t solve anything. It would only deepen my suffering and strengthen my pain-body.
Eckhart Tolle teaches that the pain-body thrives on unresolved emotional pain, feeding on negativity and perpetuating itself through anger or resentment. By staying aware, I can weaken its grip and prevent new samskaras (emotional imprints) from forming.
Earlier today, I told Susie and Peggi about a tough experience this year and said I was grateful for it because it got me into the 12 steps. Peggi replied, “That’s what gratitude is for. Being grateful for the good things is fine, but the real benefit of gratitude is when you can be thankful for the really hard things in life.”
I’m grateful for today’s experience because it reminded me I’m still in recovery—and that recovery must come first. If I don’t have the basics sorted, like health insurance, then I still have work to do. I need to take a step back and focus on self-care. I also realized today how much chaos in my life is self created these days. When I was younger, the chaos was often out of my control. But now, I’m the one who sets my schedule. So the person responsible for the chaos (or lack of chaos) is me.
The most painful part of the night was receiving five Immunoglobulin shots into my poor left foot. To distract myself, I played and sang Krishna Das:
There are some things I may not know
There are some places I may not go
But there’s one thing of which I’m sure
My God is real
For I can feel him
In my soul
Yes God is real
Real in my soul
Yes God is real for he has washed and made me whole
His love for me
Shines like pure gold
Yes God is real
For I can feel him in my soul
Hare Ram Ram Ram
Sita Ram Ram Ram
I have found a way to live in the presence of the Lord
And it’s all in the Name.
Hare Ram Ram Ram
Sita Ram Ram Ram
At the clinic when I was talking to the doctor, I told her how this left foot has had several accidents over the last fifteen years:
Falling down the stairs in high school.
A motorbike accident that crushed it.
And now, this dog bite.
Reflecting on these injuries, I see a pattern. The left side of the body represents feminine energy—intuition, surrender, and receptivity. My injuries might signify resistance to these qualities. Am I over-relying on masculine energy by always “pushing through”? Yes. Do I need to nurture myself and allow support? Absolutely.
The feet also symbolize progress and the path forward. Could my injuries here reflect my fears about stepping into a new chapter or fully committing to what my heart knows is right?
I’m taking tomorrow off. I’ll attend a meeting, rest, and recover. This dog bite reminded me to slow down, take responsibility, and keep showing up for myself.
Future pain can be avoided—not by controlling everything, but by changing how I respond to life’s inevitable chaos.
I Have Two Online Trainings Starting Next Week!
Online Vedic Meditation Training with Rory
Want to develop a consistent Vedic Meditation practice with Rory? In this training, which is four days, 90 minutes each, you'll learn the technique of Vedic Meditation with an expert teacher, and develop the tools to integrate a consistent, twice daily, twenty minute Vedic Meditation Practice.
Tuesday January 21st 6:30pm-8:00pm EST, Toronto Time (Wednesday January 22nd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
Wednesday January 22nd 6:30pm-8:30pm EST, Toronto Time (Thursday January 23rd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
Sunday January 26th 6:30pm-8:30pm EST, Toronto Time (Thursday January 23rd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
Tuesday January 28th 6:30pm-8:30pm EST, Toronto Time (Thursday January 23rd 7:30am-9:00am AWST, Bali Time)
During this class we will:
Unpack the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, a 2500-year-old text, in an accessible way
Learn and understand some foundations of yogic philosophy as described by Patanjali
Embark on a spiritual journey toward deeper understanding of yourself.
Start Date: JANUARY 20th/21st START DATE (ENDS SEPTEMBER 2025)
Mondays at 6:30pm EST (Bali Time - Tuesdays at 7:30am AWST)
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