Day 104: Becoming a Safe Harbour: Walking the Stones of Practice Across the River of Suffering
How Yoga Philosophy Helps me Stay Steady in a Chaotic World
Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault
Yesterday, I was over at my niece’s house for her third birthday. While we were chatting, my brother-in-law’s brother asked me how I prepare for an event like teaching yoga at Sober in the City in Scottsdale next weekend. He was wondering if I offer different teachings for different groups, and if I plan that in advance. It was a great question and really made me think about it: how do I prepare to teach a class? I paused and thought to myself, and then I told him: the only way I can prepare for something like this is by taking care of myself. My own practice.
In my early years of teaching yoga, I used to get so stressed. I’d spend hours obsessing over creating the “perfect” sequence, the most interesting plan, something seamless and impressive. But now, eleven years into teaching, I realize the preparation isn’t about planning every detail - it’s about self-care. I have no idea who will walk into my class, and what they will need. But offering a class is about how I show up. It’s about tending to myself so that I can be an open vessel, connected to something higher. I eat well. I move my body daily. I meditate. I pray. I live my practice so that when I step into a room, it’s not “me” teaching - it’s the Divine moving through me. That’s why I say it’s all God’s Grace. Left to my own devices, I could never do what I do. It’s not about me. It’s about being a channel.
This morning, though, I was triggered by a conversation about a high-profile sexual assault case unfolding in Canada. I didn’t know about it (I don’t follow the news for exactly this reason), but hearing the way it was discussed - questioning the woman's consent - sent a shock through my whole system. Even without knowing all the details, the fact that her consent was even being debated ignited fury inside me. I am so unused to being around this kind of discussion.
I didn’t even realize in the moment how strongly I had been pulled under. I just started spinning, feeling out of place here, feeling like I don’t belong in Canada anymore. Sometimes when I come back to Canada, it feels like I’m a world apart from mainstream society. I feel so much. I see too much. It makes sense why I used to numb myself with alcohol when I lived in this world. It’s hard to feel it all.
I stayed stuck in that triggered state for hours, until I finally realized I needed to intervene. I walked to a nearby park and sat down to meditate. I knew that if I didn’t bring in my practice immediately, I would carve new painful samskāras - imprints - in my mind.
The Yoga Sutras give us tools for moments exactly like this.
This morning, before the triggering conversation, I had taught a Yoga Sutra Study class, and we had been reflecting on Sutra 1.33, the practice of the Four Immeasurables:
Maitrī-karuṇā-muditā-upekṣāṇāṁ sukha-duḥkha-puṇya-apuṇya-viṣayāṇāṁ bhāvanātaḥ citta-prasādanam.
(Yoga Sutra 1.33)
Translation:
Through cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the suffering, joy for the virtuous, and equanimity toward the non-virtuous, the mind becomes purified and serene.
The Four Immeasurables are:
Maitrī — Friendliness toward the happy
Karuṇā — Compassion for the suffering
Muditā — Joy for the virtuous
Upekṣā — Equanimity toward the non-virtuous
Patanjali is inviting us to build these attitudes within ourselves so we can stay steady when the world is shaking. When someone is suffering, respond with compassion. When someone succeeds, celebrate them. When someone behaves badly, stay calm. It’s an internal discipline. It’s not a passive feeling, but a conscious choice to be steady, soft, and strong all at once.
In moments like today, I can feel how necessary this is. If I allow myself to be swept away by anger or despair, I can’t help anyone, including myself. But if I stay steady, like a lighthouse in the storm, I can be a support.
This is my dream for myself. I don’t care about having followers on Instagram or building a following. I care about being a safe harbour for others.
A few months ago, after an AA meeting, a boy in his early twenties told me his life story over dinner. At one point, he paused and said, “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.” Then he paused, thought to himself, and then said, “You just seem like a safe adult.” That’s the highest compliment I could ever receive. That I seem like a safe adult. That’s the person I want to be.
And this is what the practice looks like:
It’s laying down stones across the river of suffering. Each daily practice: meditation, prayer, movement, devotion, is a stone. Every stone is a choice that helps me, and others, walk from the place of “more suffering” to the place of “less suffering.”
It’s a daily question:
What stones are you placing?
How are you shaping the flow of the river?
What are you building toward?
Right now, I’m practicing Kriya Yoga:
Tapas — Self-discipline (exercising daily)
Svādhyāya — Self-study (writing daily)
Īśvara Praṇidhāna — Surrender to the Divine (meditating and praying daily)
And at the edges of my river, I place my Yamas - my vows not to let violence, dishonesty, excess, or selfishness enter my life’s stream.
Every time I walk across the river - from chaos toward peace - I am reminded that this path is not easy, but it is possible. And that by practicing, by showing up, by holding space - I become a stone, a lighthouse, a safe harbor for others to find their way too.
🌟 If you feel called to walk this path of steady practice, healing, and transformation with others, you’re warmly invited to join the Sutra Sangha.
We meet weekly to explore the Yoga Sutras, meditate together, and place new stones across our rivers of healing. Our June theme is "Facing the Roots of Our Suffering with Compassion and Courage," as we explore the five Kleśas — the obstacles that keep us from inner freedom.
🔗 Learn more about the Sutra Sangha here.
My Online Offerings
1. Sutra Sangha Monthly Community
An ongoing monthly membership for those who want to stay connected to the Yoga Sutras, deepen their spiritual practice, and be part of a heart-centered community.
Weekly live calls (shorter, casual yoga practices + meditation circles, about 60 minutes)
Monthly themes rooted in the Yoga Sutras (e.g., vṛttis, kleśas, samādhi)
Open to all levels — join anytime, stay as long as you like!
Perfect for ongoing support, study, and connection.
2. Yoga Sutra Recovery Program
A focused 12-week small group journey blending Yoga Sutra philosophy with addiction recovery and trauma healing.
Next group starts June 2025 and runs through June, July, and August
One 90-minute meeting per week
Structured around the “Twelve Practices of Yoga Sutra Recovery” - a new program I have been developing.
Includes journaling, meditation, deep sharing, and support
Designed for women on the path of sobriety, healing, and spiritual growth.
3. Yoga Sutra Study (Level 1)
A deeper, academic-style exploration of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, ideal for teachers, students, and serious practitioners.
Starts August 2025 and runs through August, September, October, and November
One 90-minute meeting per week
Focused on Book One (Samādhi Pāda) with detailed discussion of each sutra
Includes study guides, personal reflection assignments, and optional memorization
Great for those wanting a formal, in-depth understanding of the Yoga Sutras.
Love this. It’s so hard to find a balance between remaining peaceful and being assertive and setting a boundary when someone has wronged you or someone you care for or a group of people.