Day 101: Returning to Renewal: Spring, Sutras, and the Spirit of Home
On rediscovering Toronto, healing through devotion, and the magic of fresh beginnings
I arrived back in Canada today.
It’s the first time I’ve returned since I started writing on Substack.
The first time since recovering from my Instagram addiction.
The first time since the assault.
The first time since evolving into someone new.
(Technically, Toronto is just a stopover — I’m headed to Scottsdale, Arizona next for Sober in the City! If you haven’t grabbed your ticket yet, come join us — I can’t wait to meet many of you in person!)
This morning began beautifully.
I got up early and moved through my practice - Breath of Joy, a flowing asana sequence, meditation, and chanting.
Then I called Marathon Man (nickname saga in progress: Mr. Doesn’t Use Plane Wifi, Mr. Doesn’t Drink Coffee, Mr. Z, Mr Shakshuka, Raja Haiku, Mr. Mimpi Indah, Habibi (My Love in Arabic), The Approaching-Boyfriend (Boyfriend in Waiting), Mr. Vritti, Mr. Jack Pot, Mr. Meditation, Rocket Man, Mr. Mantra, The Meow-ditator, The Rational Mystic, Burrito Boy, the-guy-i-like-that-i-feel-safe-with, him (the crush)).
It's the first time I’ve been this many time zones away from someone I'm dating in years. It’s harder than I remembered!
(Side note: I asked him today if he had a nickname list for me, since I have one for him. His responses so far: Ms. Rounding Up, Ms. Merch, Ms. Group Therapy, Sally Sutra, Sober Yoga Girl, Ms. Drinks Coffee, Miss Matcha, Ms. Uses Plane WiFi, Ms. Substack, Klesha Killer, Vritti Vanquisher. I accept all titles.)
Afterwards, I went for a walk with my mom.
Toronto was waking up from its long, sleepy winter, and there was something magical about it. I haven’t seen Toronto in the spring in ten years!
The sidewalks were wet with rainy, and tiny tulips poked their heads bravely out of the thawing ground.
The trees were still bare but hinted at the green to come.
There was a freshness in the air that only spring brings.
You could feel the spirit of renewal in the air. I thought it was so magical. I was literally stopping strangers on the street to tell them I hadn’t seen spring in ten years and how magical it was.
We had breakfast together afterward.
There’s something so special about spending time with my parents as they move through the seasons of their own lives.
(For the record, whenever I say "parents," I mean my mom, my dad, and my uncle — who is parent number three in my mind.)
Last night, before bed, I read this quote:
"We can never repay our parents for all they have done for us."
It’s an ancient, universal truth:
In Hinduism and Buddhism, this idea is deeply ingrained — parents are revered as living gods.
In the Manusmriti, it’s written: "The mother and father are to be revered as living gods. One can never repay the debt owed to them."
The Buddha taught in the Pāli Canon (Anguttara Nikaya 2.32):
"There are two people that one can never repay: one's mother and father."
Even if we were to carry our parents on our shoulders for 100 years, tending to their every need, it would still not balance the scales.
Later that afternoon, my mom went to visit a potential long-term care facility for my Nana, her mom. Nana is my last living grandparent, who is 96. (I mistakenly told Marathon Man she was 100 - Ms #RoundingUp strikes again.)
When my mom left, the house felt emptier.
Loneliness tiptoed in.
Canada felt cold.
I missed Jenn, my roommate from Bali.
I missed Marathon Man, too - even though he isn’t yet in Bali, being two hours apart feels infinitely closer than fifteen.
So when I felt lonely, I decided to find an AA meeting in Toronto - my first outside of Bali.
There’s always at least one nugget, one takeaway from every meeting you go to. Today’s teaching was The Golden Key:
Someone shared that their sponsor told them that whenever obsessive thoughts arise, turn your mind to God - whatever "God" means to you (goodness, truth, honesty).
Keep turning your thoughts over until the feeling shifts.
Later, I taught one of my weekly Yoga Sutra Study classes. I have five groups going at one time, but I missed a bunch of them in the last two weeks - between teaching on the Sobah Sistahs group and my travels between Bali, Taiwan, and Canada.
This group started the course about a month ago, and this week, we explored the sutras that I basically call the Faith Sutras because they’re all about finding God, or faith.
✨ Sutras of Devotion and Surrender
Sutra 1.23: Ishvara Pranidhanad-va
"Samadhi can also be attained through devotion to Ishvara (the Divine)."
→ Sometimes, it's not about discipline. Sometimes, it's about letting go and surrendering your struggle.
Sutra 1.24: Klesa karma vipaka asayiah aparamrsta purusa visesa isvarah
"Ishvara is a special Purusha, untouched by afflictions or karma."
→ There is a dimension of you that has never been wounded or weighed down, and you can reconnect to it.
Sutra 1.25: Tatra niratisayam sarvajna bijam
"In Ishvara lies the seed of all knowledge."
→ Everything you seek is already within. You don't have to "figure it out", you just have to listen.
Sutra 1.26: Sa esa purvesam api guruh kalena anavacchedat
"Ishvara is the timeless original teacher."
→ Truth is older than time, older than tradition. It is woven into existence itself.
Sutra 1.27: Tasya Vacakah Pranavah
"The sacred syllable designating Ishvara is Om."
→ Chanting Om is basically speed dialing God. That’s why we do it.
Sutra 1.28: Taj Japah Tad Artha Bhavanam
"Repeat and contemplate Om to connect deeply to its meaning."
→ Chanting is not just a ritual, it’s a doorway.
Sutra 1.29: Tatah Pratyak Cetana Adhigamo Py Antaraya Abhavas Ca
"Through this practice, inner consciousness arises and obstacles fall away."
By the end of class, a realization clicked into place. Last week, one of my students said the following thing:
Yoga Sutra Study is like Bible Study.
And I realized - oh my god - I need to do this every single day. This is why I was feeling lonely today! The Sutra Study helps me connect to God, and without it, I feel lonely. The Sutras are my dharma teachings and dharma studies. This is why people do 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I need to host sutra study groups every single day, because it’s how I can connect to God. Right now I almost already do, at five times a week (plus the sutra sangha!)
Here’s why Sutra Studies are so similar to Bible Study:
Both are revealed wisdom traditions.
Both require lifelong study and reflection.
Both guide behaviour and ethical living.
Both thrive in community.
Both connect ancient teachings to modern life.
And Bible Study is not read once, and then finished. You don’t just read the Bible once - you study it over and over, reflecting on it at different stages of life. Similarly, the Yoga Sutras unfold new meaning the more you study, practice yoga and meditate They are short, dense aphorisms (sutra means "thread") that require repeated reflection, commentary, and lived experience to really understand. In both cases, the practice is called svādhyāya — self-study through scripture.
Yoga Sutra Study isn’t just about memorizing Sanskrit.
It’s about living a dialogue between your spirit and the timeless truths that have always been here.
It’s about letting ancient wisdom guide you home to yourself, again and again.
✨ The Sutra Sangha is becoming a beautiful home for this. We already have a wave of new members joining — and it feels like a sign that this work, this path, is my true dharma.
If you haven’t yet, come join us in the Sutra Sangha.
🌸 May in the Sutra Sangha: The Vṛtti Series
This month's theme is about stilling the mind's fluctuations — perfect for this season of inner and outer renewal.
Upcoming inside:
🧘🏽♀️ May 4: Stilling the Fluctuations
Slow vinyasa, pranayama, and yoga nidra to calm the mind.🧠 May 10/11: Meditation Circle: The Five Vṛtti-s
Understanding thought spirals in trauma, recovery, and daily life.🧘🏽♀️ May 11: Stilling the Fluctuations
Slow vinyasa, pranayama, and yoga nidra to calm the mind.🧘♀️ May 14/15: Observing the Vṛtti-s
Mindful movement and mantra practice.🌿 May 24/25: Discussion: Disidentifying from the Mind
Exploring Yoga Sutra 1.3: resting in the true Self.
✨ All sessions are recorded and shared in the WhatsApp group for those that can’t make it!
Why Join?
Because healing isn't about "fixing" yourself.
It’s about sitting with yourself and realizing:
"I am not my thoughts."
If you’ve loved my Seva Writing here, know that the Sutra Sangha is where we dive deeper — into real transformation.
🌿 Zoom live gatherings
🌿 A monthly study focus rooted in ancient wisdom
🌿 Community support and spiritual friendships
🌿 Embodied healing practices
🌿 A return to your true, peaceful Self
Come walk this path with us. 🌸
Merch
I have five items of merchandise with me in Canada that I brought here for Sober in the City. I suspect they will sell out very quickly - so if you want to place an order before I bring all the merch to Sober in the City, this is what I have!
The Heart Chakra HEAL long version
Wow! In particular, “Klesha Killer” and “Vritti Vanquisher” are just about the coolest nicknames a person can get! Not to mention the fact that they are very appropriate given the work that you do 💕. Kudos to Mr. Jack Pot 👏☺️.