We’re coming to the end of my current online Yoga Sutra Study group, and this month we’ve been in Chapter Four of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras.
I always forget what’s in Chapter Four. I’ve taught Patanjali probably about thirty times in the last few years and Chapters 1, 2 and 3 for some reason have always been more memorable. Then I get to it while teaching and think, Oh ya…. this chapter is fascinating!
Patanjali gets into karma, the impressions we carry, why certain patterns show up when they do, and the difference between our changing minds and the part of us that can witness them. It’s a lot.
One of my favourite things about teaching the Yoga Sutras is that they have a way of showing up in my actual life. I’ve taught this material probably thirty times now, and I still find myself teaching a concept one week and living an example of it while I’m teaching it!
That happened again last week.
Something painful happened in the last few weeks. I felt confused about why it was happening, and I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to make sense of it.
As I talked it through, memories started coming up from ten or fifteen years ago, especially from my drinking days. Things I hadn’t thought about in ages. Things I don’t think I’d even realized were painful.
It was like opening a cupboard in my house and finding it absolutely packed with stuff I’d forgotten I’d put there. And then opening another cupboard. And then a drawer.
I’ve had this experience when I’ve sat down to meditate in the past but this was massive.
In yoga, we talk about saṁskāras: the impressions our experiences leave behind. Chapter Four explores how those impressions can stay quiet for a long time, then surface when the conditions are right.
There’s one section in Chapter 4 of Patanjali that I’ve come to understand as people coming into our lives and helping us work through our karma. I don’t mean that someone is destined to hurt us, or that every difficult relationship is a spiritual lesson we’re supposed to be grateful for. I mean that an interaction can bring something old to the surface. Suddenly we’re feeling much more than what happened that day. That’s what this has felt like for me.
My teacher Rolf writes,
“Learning to sit still was a lot like someone in a 12-step program going through her inventory process. It was thorough. My whole life passed before my eyes many times. I sat through hours upon hours of regret, hours upon hours of remorse, hours upon hours of resentment - the three Rs of addiction. I became someone who could sit with the pain of life. I could accept it. I could feel the sorrow of it without needing to blame someone. That might be my greatest human accomplishment, the willingness to feel life’s sorrow. Without the ability to open our heart to life’s pain, we cannot serve its beauty.”
This is where Patanjali’s idea of puruṣa, the witness, feels so useful to me. My mind can be upset, scared, defensive or confused. But I can also notice that my mind is doing all of those things.
It’s a bit like being caught up in office drama and then suddenly realizing, Wow, I am very caught up in the office drama. Nothing has magically been resolved. But there’s a little more space to see it.
I’m still in the middle of this experience, and I can see that something much older has been opened up, and I’m giving myself time to look at it.
This is why I keep coming back to the Yoga Sutras. Every time I teach them, I understand something differently. And usually, my life makes sure I have an example.
If you’d like to practice or study with me, here’s what’s coming up:
ONLINE CLASSES:
Resting & Flowing with the Sutras - gentle online classes combining movement, rest and yoga philosophy. This starts October 8th.
Online Yoga Sutra Study - our next group begins October 16. We’ll study the text together and talk about what these teachings look like in real life. You can sign up here.
IN PERSON UPCOMING PROGRAMS:
Mexico Retreat - Dec 27, We are headed to Mexico for NYE !
Bhakti Training in Bali - beginning January 31, for anyone wanting to spend more time with chanting and devotional practice.
India retreat - Feb 21, a small group journey to Rishikesh for practice, connection and kirtan. Half the spots are already gone! Save a spot here.
200-hour Yoga Teacher Training - April 4, for anyone ready to go deeper into yoga practice, philosophy and teaching. I am now offering a room on site during the YTT for $750 USD. Check it out here!
Love,
Alexandra