#225 A Dark Night of the Soul...
Yoga Sutra Study Starts Sept 6 - Two Earlybird Spots Available!
The last little while for me has been a really deep dark night of the soul.
There has been an intersection of a lack of safety in a lot of different areas of my world, and I’ve experienced probably the biggest wave of suffering I have in a long time.
And it’s interesting, because if you’ve been watching my life through social media, you might have a completely different idea of what this chapter has looked like.
My kirtans are taking off. I’m being booked at some of the biggest venues in Bali and for more and more private events. I probably also give the appearance of being incredibly confident in my sexuality and in this transition into a new version of myself.
And yet, underneath all of that, things have been incredibly difficult.
I finally got in for a session today with my psychotherapist and craniosacral healer, and she reminded me that transformation can feel like a snake shedding its skin.
There is a period when the old skin no longer fits, but the new one still feels tender and exposed.
That feels like exactly where I am.
As I transform, I’m being asked to release relationships, identities, patterns and ways of living that no longer align with who I am becoming. And that process is not always beautiful or graceful. Sometimes it feels like everything is falling apart.
What has sustained me through this dark night has been my study of yoga philosophy and my growing practice of bhakti.
After a few weeks off of teaching my current Yoga Sutra Study group - due to travelling, life disruptions, etc - I recently came back to it - and Patanjali’s teachings have come alive for me again. My current group is starting chapter three.
Patanjali begins by telling us that yoga is citta-vṛtti-nirodhaḥ: the quieting of the fluctuations of the mind.
And wow, have I been watching those fluctuations.
The stories. The catastrophizing. The grasping. The fear. The mind desperately trying to find certainty and safety by replaying the past and predicting the future.
But Patanjali doesn’t promise us a life without difficulty. He gives us a way to meet the mind inside difficulty.
Again and again, I’ve returned to abhyāsa and vairāgya: practice and non-attachment.
Practice: returning to what steadies me.
Non-attachment: loosening my grip on how I thought my life was supposed to look.
And slowly, underneath all the noise, there are moments of viveka—discernment. The ability to see what is actually true, rather than automatically believing every story my mind creates.
Maybe that is part of what this shedding is asking of me.
To stop clinging to what was simply because it was familiar.
To see more clearly.
To let what needs to fall away, fall away.
And to keep practicing while the next version of my life reveals itself.
This experience has reminded me why I love studying the Yoga Sutras so much—and why I want to teach them.
So I’m really excited to be opening another Yoga Sutra Study Cohort.
We’ll meet Mondays from 7–9pm Bali time / 7–9am Toronto time, beginning September 6.
This is for you if you want to move beyond simply knowing about yoga philosophy and spend time actually studying these teachings deeply—and exploring what they mean in the context of your own life.
Yoga Alliance continuing education credit is available.
There are discounts for my YTT graduates, as well as for students who have taken the course before and want to return to the Sutras with fresh eyes.
And there are two early-bird spots available.
I would love to study with you.
And meanwhile, I’m working on something quietly behind the scenes that I’m incredibly excited about.
Because perhaps that is the other side of shedding an old skin:
making space for what wants to emerge next.
This dark night has led me in a new direction.
More soon. 🤍