#175 Discipline is the Doorway to Freedom
There’s a teaching I once read from one of my teachers that has never left me: discipline brings freedom.
For years I didn’t fully understand it. Discipline felt like restriction, like rules, like edges that boxed me in. But lately, I’ve found myself drawn to practices that are incredibly structured: Vedic Meditation, classical Hatha Yoga, the 12 Steps. All of them require commitment, routine, accountability, and a willingness to keep showing up.
And yet… they have never made me feel more free.
A few days ago, in a staff meeting at one of the yoga studios I work at, they asked us for our “word of the month.” Mine came instantly: Ritual. My whole life right now feels like the refinement of rituals: what I return to, how I begin my day, what I anchor myself with, what holds me steady.
At the start of 2025, for months, one of my rituals was waking up every morning and writing for this Substack. Lately, I haven’t been writing as often. Not because I don’t want to - but because so much is moving inside me.
There are big internal shifts happening. Post-traumatic reorganizing. Chapters closing. Chapters opening. I don’t want to share every detail publicly. I’m becoming more boundaried than I’ve ever been.
And yet, alongside all of this inner transformation, Mindful Bali is blooming into a brand-new chapter.
What’s Growing at Mindful Bali
Our Bali Bhakti Flow live classes on Zoom officially launched this week—Mondays for me, Sunday nights EST. Our amazing community manager Sarah is crafting full lesson plans for every class so teachers can take these sequences and bring them into their own communities.
Sidenote: here is what the lesson plans look like! If you still haven’t signed up you can do so here.
Upcoming Bhakti Flows:
Saraswati – Flow, Creativity & Expression — Nov 24
Lakshmi – Abundance, Grace & Gratitude — Dec 1
Durga – Courage, Boundaries & Inner Strength — Dec 15
(Ganesha is already on demand if you’d like to dive in.)
Other Online Classes Coming Soon:
Teacher Trainings in Bali in 2026:
One spot left in March
Three in June
Four in the July 300-hour Advanced YTT
September is still open
Grab a spot here!
I’m also welcoming people into my home for regular drop-in classes at Mindful Bali. If you find yourself in Ubud—come practice with me. You can sign up here!
The Full-Circle Moment of My Vision Board
Last November, during my 300-hour YTT, we made vision boards together. Mine had simple process goals:
• do a Vipassana
• start attending 12-step meetings
• study the Gita
• learn the harmonium
• begin leading kirtan
Every single one happened - often in ways I couldn’t have predicted - except, I realized about a month ago - I never did my Vipassana! What is Vipassana? I will explain more below…
Studying Buddhism vs. Patanjali: What I’ve Been Teaching
My teacher Rolf leaned deeply into Buddhism in the later part of his career and is still practicing Buddhist techniques these days. I’ve also been pulled into this exploration - especially as I prepare for Vipassana in early December.
For years, I didn’t understand the difference between Patanjali and Buddhism. Now I realize:
Yoga can be understood intellectually, but Buddhism must be felt.
It is experiential, like being inside your own mind with nowhere to hide.
This week in my Sutra Study group, we explored the ways Patañjali responds to Buddhist philosophy, especially in Sutras 4.15–4.21. Here’s the summary I shared:
Where Yoga and Buddhism Diverge
Yoga: There is an eternal, unchanging Self (Purusha).
Buddhism: There is no eternal Self - only process, change, impermanence.
Yoga leads us toward union with the Self.
Buddhism leads toward liberation through realizing no one is “there” to cling to.
These aren’t small differences - they are foundational.
Why Sutras 4.15–4.17 Push Back Against Buddhist Thought
Patañjali argues:
The mind colors reality
But objects still exist independently
Perception is subjective; existence is not
This matters because if nothing exists outside the mind, then what are we merging into? Who is witnessing?
Why Sutras 4.18–4.21 Affirm the Witness
These sutras explain:
The mind is always transforming
It cannot know itself directly
There must be something beyond it
That something is Purusha
This is the core divergence between Yoga and Buddhism:
Yoga insists on a witness. Buddhism says there is none.
Both paths end suffering.
Both paths require discipline.
But they lead to different destinations.
What All of This Has Taught Me About Discipline
The more disciplined my life becomes, the more freedom I feel.
Discipline teaches me what is essential.
It removes decision fatigue.
It steadies my mind.
It anchors me into spiritual reality rather than emotional reactivity.
And it is this discipline - of meditation, of practice, of ritual, of study - that allows me to stand in the storms of life with softness instead of collapse.
Freedom isn’t doing whatever we want.
Freedom is having a mind clear enough to know what actually matters.
My Vipassana (And Why I’m Doing It)
In early December, I’ll step into a 10-day Vipassana retreat.
Vipassana is a silent meditation retreat rooted in the Buddha’s original teachings.
Ten days of:
waking at 4 a.m.
10+ hours of meditation
no speaking
no writing
no phone
no teaching
no input
no output
just awareness, breath, sensation, and the raw truth of your own mind
I will be unreachable for the entire time.
It feels like the final thing on my list for 2025.
A seal on this year of dissolving, rebuilding, clarifying, becoming.
In the End, Discipline Is a Love Language
Discipline is not punishment.
Discipline is devotion.
Discipline is remembering.
Discipline is choosing the path that leads us home, again and again.
It is the structure that frees us.
It is the ritual that opens us.
It is the doorway that leads to the peace we have been seeking.
Thank you for being here as I navigate this profound season of change.
Thank you for reading my writing even when it’s sporadic!
Thank you for walking this path of yoga, sobriety, devotion, and awakening with me.
Here’s to the discipline that sets us free.