Last week, I made the decision to stop taking Bahasa Indonesia classes.
I’ve taken forty one-on-one lessons over the last year, and somehow all I could confidently say was:
“Saya punya kucing abu-abu dan putih.”
(I have a grey and white cat.)
Nothing was clicking. The effort didn’t feel worth it anymore.
My notebooks were a mess. Bahasa Indonesia notes mixed in with 12-Step reflections, feedback for yoga teacher training students, journal entries, random to-do lists. I think part of that came from not really having a home base these last few years. Everything in my life was scattered, including my learning.
When I finally started organizing my notes, I realized something wild:
I had basically done the same five Bahasa lessons… over and over again. For ten months. My teachers hadn’t progressed me and I hadn’t even noticed.
How had I learned nothing?
So on Friday, I told my teacher I was quitting.
And then something strange happened.
About an hour later, I was at the dentist.
“Berapa lama?” I asked - “How long will this take?”
“Tiga puluh menit,” she said. Thirty minutes.
Then she kept talking to me in Bahasa Indonesia - and I understood her.
She asked if I had another appointment, I said, “No, saya nyani at Sayuri’s Café (I am singing tonight).” She asked me what time, and I told her 6pm. “Oh, you have lots of time.”
She said, “Wow, your Bahasa is very good!”
I sat there completely shocked.
When did I start speaking Bahasa?
All weekend, I found myself talking to locals more than before. I’ve always ordered food, but suddenly I could go off script and understand when someone was telling me that I couldn’t drink cups of water out of the yoga studio. At one point I turned around in line at Yoga Barn, eyes wide, and said to the people behind me:
“I CAN’T BELIEVE I UNDERSTAND THIS!” I think I was more impressed with myself than they were with me, lol.
That’s when Gabby Bernstein’s quote came to me:
“When you think you’ve surrendered, surrender more.”
Abhyasa + Vairagya in Real Time
The moment I decided to stop caring about the outcome of my Bahasa lessons, that’s when it clicked.
It reminded me of Patanjali’s two essential practices:
Abhyasa: consistent, dedicated effort.
Vairagya: letting go of attachment to results.
I had been doing abhyasa for months: studying, drilling, repeating. But I hadn’t practiced vairagya. I was gripping the outcome so tightly that I wasn’t actually open to receiving the learning.
Michael Singer writes in The Surrender Experiment:
“When you stop fighting and resisting, you fully experience the present, which is a gift.”
That’s exactly what it felt like. The moment I stopped resisting and pushing, life started flowing again.
How Surrender Shows Up in Recovery
The biggest practice ground for surrender in my life has always been recovery.
Step One:
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.”
That’s surrender. The moment you stop fighting reality and just say, “Okay, I can’t do this alone.”
Steps Two and Three:
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
That’s surrender deepening. It’s choosing to trust something bigger than yourself. It’s not passive. It’s not “whatever happens, happens.” It’s active letting go. A softening of the ego.
In yogic language, that’s Īśvara Praṇidhāna - surrender to the Divine.
It’s the fifth niyama - devotion, faith, and letting life move through you instead of trying to control it.
And we don’t surrender once.
We surrender again and again.
The Law of Least Effort
In the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra calls it The Law of Least Effort: “do less and accomplish more.”
He says:
“When you stop struggling against this moment, you stop struggling against the entire universe.”
When you become defensive or try to force things, life meets resistance.
He writes,
“You don’t want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm.
Instead, be like a reed that bends with the storm and survives.”
That’s what surrender feels like. Softening. Flexibility. Letting life move through you instead of against you.
It’s not about giving up. It’s about giving in - to the flow that’s already there.
Arjuna’s Lesson in Letting Go
I always think of Arjuna on the battlefield of the Bhagavad Gita. He’s paralyzed with doubt - totally overwhelmed by what life is asking of him. And he says to Krishna,
“My mind is confused about my duty. I am your student. Please teach me.”
That’s surrender.
He doesn’t run away. He doesn’t give up. He lets go and listens.
He turns his will over to something higher, and from that surrender, his true strength shows up.
The Buddha’s Gesture
And then there’s the Buddha.
Sitting under the Bodhi tree, facing fear, doubt, desire, illusion, he doesn’t fight.
He simply touches the earth and says,
“I call the Earth to witness.”
That, too, is surrender.
Not running away from the storm, but sitting right in the middle of it and saying, “I’m here.”
Surrender as a Daily Practice
Every time I try to force life to go my way - my business, my retreats, my relationships, even my language learning - I’m reminded:
It’s not about giving up.
It’s about getting out of the way.
When I finally stopped trying to organize meals with the hotel next door for my retreats and just let it go, my student suggested I hire a chef.
The chef came yesterday - and it was actually more affordable price, better quality….and cooked right in my villa for the retreat and YTT students! When I got out of my own way and surrendered…it turned way better.
It will be this or something better. That’s the mantra I keep coming back to.
When you think you’ve surrendered,
Surrender more.
A Reflection:
Where in your life are you still trying to control the outcome?
What would happen if you softened your grip a little and trusted life knows what it’s doing?
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I literally needed to read exactly this today❤️! Thank you 💕!