Last night, the strangest thing happened.
I was invited at the last minute to sing with a friend at Sayuri’s because a spot had opened for a singer in Kirtan. Looking out into the community that had gathered, my eyes landed on someone who looked exactly like one of my yoga teacher training teachers from 2014 - over a decade ago, and literally from the other side of the world.
I kept making eye contact with him, convinced it couldn’t be him - maybe just a doppelgänger. The strange thing was that only a few days earlier, I’d seen someone else in Bali who looked uncannily like another teacher from the same yoga school. (I sat there, wondering, “Why are all these doppelgangers appearing from this yoga school in my life right now? What is the universe trying to say?”)
After the kirtan, I had the chance to meet him. When he told me his name, I knew it wasn’t a look-alike. It was actually him.
A Complicated Place
I reintroduced myself and gave him some context about my story.
Eleven years ago, that yoga school changed my life. It’s where I trained to become a teacher. It’s where I first discovered kirtan. It gave me so much wisdom, so many mentors, and memories I still carry in my heart.
But it was also a place where I experienced something not-so-great two years ago - a much older male teacher (in his seventies) initiating relationships with young female students (including an attempt to initiate a relationship with me). I didn’t fully understand at the time. I adored my teacher and wanted to believe the best in him, so much that I had turned a blind eye to his relationships with younger female students - until a business meeting with me turned into a strange, uncomfortable encounter.
When I casually confided in another woman on the team, saying, “Hey, something weird happened yesterday with this teacher” and explained the story, the look of alarm on her face followed by the words, “You know what that was, right?” and the request for me to write a report - made me realize this was not an isolated event. It was a pattern.
That was the moment I knew I needed to cut ties with this school. Being someone who brings women on retreats, it didn’t feel right to continue leading them to that space. So I walked away quietly, without drama. I’ve never publicly named the school and haven’t really told the story ever, because I still love that school dearly. It was simply a closing of the door.
Mirrors and Labels
Earlier this year, I had an interaction where I was called some painful names by a person. That moment became a karmic teaching and an invitation - an invitation to step outside my ego and see how easily in the past I have projected and labelled others. We have all been in unskillful states at times. Looking back, we can all recognize moments from our lives when our unskillful states led to unskillful actions.
I have said words about former teachers of mine in the yoga space when I have heard stories about their actions and choices, or personally experienced things, that I now regret saying about them. My realization this year has been: I never want to use those words about anyone, ever again. Not even the person who once hurt me. Not even towards the person who used those words against me.
It doesn’t matter to me what they did or said or didn’t do or didn’t say. An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
This week I heard someone use one of the words that had been used to describe me about someone else, and I literally winced. I feel the pain for them like it’s being said again about me. I will never, ever use that word to describe another teacher or person - to their face or behind their back.
So instead of perpetuating the story, turning it into gossip, “cancelling them online”, or any of the other many actions I could have taken…last night, I just decided to be honest with the teacher I had encountered. I reminded him of the incident, and he remembered what I was talking about. He apologized again (even though it was something he really had nothing to do with.) And after the conversation, I realized - the honest conversation we were able to have as two souls was beautiful, and I really hold no resentment for what happened. Not towards him, not towards the yoga school, not even towards the teacher who caused me harm. He was acting from an unskillful state, just as I too have acted from unskillful states in the past.
Patanjali tells us in Sutra 2.16: heyaṁ duḥkham anāgatam - future pain can be avoided. The deeper I honour my own intuition, the more I can step off the path of suffering before it causes me harm. That’s exactly what I did when I chose to walk away from that yoga school, rather than become entangled in something I knew would cause suffering. And that’s exactly what I did when I had an open and honest and loving conversation with this teacher last night. Something I told him is that my feelings for that school are complex - because nothing in life is black and white. It’s all shades of gray.
Earth School
I believe we meet each other for a reason. This belief has brought me comfort in my suffering and enabled me to step out of victim mentality. I do not project this belief onto other people (nor would I ever say it to someone in the midst of their suffering), but I do apply it to myself and my own life scenario.
Elizabeth Gilbert writes in All the Way to the River:
“What if everything in Earth School is working exactly the way it’s supposed to be working? What if everything we label as ‘difficult’ or an ‘obstacle’ is in fact a deliberately designed construct meant to awaken us to our true nature… sent by the cosmos to knock down the doors of our ignorance, demolish our illusions, and give us the opportunity to move past our fears?”
She continues with a vision I deeply resonate with: that our souls gathered before birth and agreed upon the curriculum of this lifetime. Some of us signed up to be the helpers, the gentle guides. Others agreed to play the harder roles - the betrayers, the heartbreakers - so that we might evolve.
And then, in the midst of pain, there comes a moment of recognition: the realization that the very person who caused us harm was part of the plan all along. Not to excuse harm, but to catalyze awakening, liberation, and growth. I honestly believe this about the person who sexually assaulted me this year. Otherwise there is just no possible explanation for how he came into my life and passed through all my intuition radars unless we were meant to meet. Unless it was always part of the plan.
If soul contracts are true, then even those who hurt me are part of the plan. They gave me an opportunity to grow, to transcend, to open my heart wider.
The Witness Within
Through meditation, I’m experiencing what yoga philosophy calls witnessing: a state of innocent awareness where we can observe our thoughts, feelings, and reactions without being consumed by them.
Instead of identifying with the voice in my head - or the labels thrown at me by others - I return to the silent witness. The one who simply observes.
When I encounter someone who reminds me of past pain, the witness helps me see: this is just an old reaction bubbling up. The present moment is safe.
From there, forgiveness becomes possible. Even love becomes possible.
On Guru Vibes
I’ve also been reflecting this morning on what it was like to be the one leading kirtan last night, with my teacher in the audience. For so many years, I placed teachers on pedestals.
I thought teachers knew more than me. But Patanjali reminds us in Sutra 1.26 that truth is timeless - it is not limited to one teacher or one moment. There are no external gurus. You are the Guru. The teacher is simply someone who holds the space for the channel to open within you.
Seeing my former teacher in the audience, while I was in the role of teacher, was a profound reminder: no one is above or below. He is not above me. I am not above him. We are equals on this path of awakening. And as Ram Dass says, “We are all just walking each other home.”
Offering the Practice
These awakenings and awareness cultivations are why I practice daily. Every morning I wake up, I dance, I breathe, I practice asana, I meditate, I chant. I watch my mind transform before my eyes.
In particular, developing a consistent twice daily silent mantra meditation practice over the last year has been a game changer for me. And that’s why I feel called to share these teachings with you. Here’s two opportunities:
How to Meditate Training
Three 90-minute workshops to learn the foundations of mantra meditation, inspired by the timeless wisdom of Patanjali. Together, we’ll explore how mantra works, how to handle thoughts, and how to integrate meditation into daily life.
Cohort 1
Tuesday Sept 30 – 6:00–7:30pm AWST (6:00–7:30am EST)
Wednesday Oct 1 – 7:30–9:00pm AWST (7:30–9:00am EST)
Thursday Oct 2 – 6:00–7:30pm AWST (6:00–7:30am EST)
👉 Book hereCohort 2
Saturday Oct 4, Sunday Oct 5, Monday Oct 6 – 7:00am Bali Time
Friday Oct 3, Saturday Oct 4, Sunday Oct 5 – 7:00pm EST (Toronto)
👉 Book here
After this training, participants will join a 30-day meditation challenge, and I’ll be hosting regular group meditations open to everyone who has completed the training.
Philosophy & Practice Circles
For members who have learned the practice, I’ll also be hosting 30-minute daily circles next week (I figure if I am practicing twice daily anyways, why not invite you all to join me!) There will be no check-in during these calls. Each session begins with a short reading from a yoga or spiritual philosophy text, followed by 20 minutes of mantra meditation. A space for community, contemplation, and inner stillness.
🕉️ Monday–Friday, 6:30am & 2:00pm Bali Time
🌸 Upcoming at Mindful Bali
200 Hour Yoga Teacher Trainings
NYE 2026: Dec 28, 2025 – Jan 17, 2026
Spring 2026: March 15 – April 5, 2026
Summer 2026: June 14 – July 5, 2026
Fall 2026: September 20 – October 11, 2026
300 Hour Yoga Teacher Training
July 5 – 25, 2026
Alcohol-Free Women’s Retreats
October 21 – 26, 2025
May 5 – 10, 2026
August 18 – 23, 2026
Everything at Mindful Bali can be booked here
Thanks for being part of this community. I am so grateful for all of you.