#130 Landing in Bali: Movement to Grounding
Yoga Philosophy, Gut Healing & Soul Lessons
I feel grounded right now in Bali for the first time - maybe ever?
When Balinese people ask me how long I’ve lived in Bali, I say Empat Tahun (four years) but it certainly doesn’t feel that way in reality. I feel like I only just got here.
I moved to Bali in October 2021. A few years ago, in 2022, I was in transit in the United Arab Emirates on my way back to Bali. I used to transit through or visit the Middle East more than twice a year. For those new to the Sober Yoga Girl community - you might not know that I lived in the Middle East for seven years - it was (and still is!) a huge part of my identity.
While in Dubai in 2022, I went for a reiki healing because everything felt misaligned - I was anxious and overwhelmed. At the end of the session, my healer said: "You are not connected to the ground right now where you live."
I decided this was because I still had boxes of stuff at my friend’s apartment in Dubai - and proceeded to purge all the stuff in storage - as if that was the solution.
But her words and this message stayed with me, and looking back, I see how right she was. I wasn’t grounded in Bali for several reasons, beyond the boxes:
Business stress (Abhinivesha - clinging to survival)
Constant movement (Raga - attachment to experiences)
Trouble letting go of the UAE (Abhinivesha)
Always on the road with retreats and trainings (Raga)
Feeling like I was in spiritual kindergarten (Asmita - ego misidentification)
Business Stress - Abhinivesha
I wasn’t grounded because I was operating from a place of fear. My business was thriving on the surface, but underneath, I was drowning. I wasn’t charging enough money for my services, saying yes to everything and everyone, and sacrificing sleep to jump on Zoom calls, keep up with client communication and social media engagement. I was constantly working, constantly anxious. This fear of not surviving is what the Yoga Sutras describe as abhinivesha - the clinging to life, or to what we know, even when it no longer serves us.
Constant Movement - Raga
In the Yoga Sutras, raga is defined as attachment to pleasure. I had become so addicted to the movement, to new experiences, to external stimulation, that I lost the ability to root down. Over three years I lived in six or seven different homes in Bali. Each time, something was off: mold, noise, electricity cuts, chaos. I even had two rainy seasons by the beach - one in Canggu and one in Uluwatu. There was beauty in this, yes. I had very few possessions, and learned to adapt. But I also learned that freedom without grounding is imbalance.
Trouble Letting Go of the UAE - Abhinivesha
I clung to my identity in the UAE - the confident yoga entrepreneur I was there. In Abu Dhabi, there were not a lot of Sober Yoga Girls. I felt like one in a million. But in Bali, this ego identity dissolved. Here, I felt like a small fish in a vast ocean of spiritual people. Letting go of that external validation was terrifying, and I see now how my ego - asmita - was tied up in it. Yoga reminds us we are not our titles or achievements. But wow, it was hard to live that.
Always on the Road - Raga
Yes, being a traveling yoga teacher sounds glamorous, but it is deeply destabilizing. From 2021 onwards, I was hosting events in multiple countries, constantly adjusting to new environments. I led events in India, Abu Dhabi, England, Canada, USA, Mexico…and meanwhile I found myself visiting places like Kuala Lampur, Bangkok, Maldives, Amsterdam, Vienna…it sounds glamorous but in reality… there was no rhythm, no structure. My nervous system was always on alert. Raga kept me chasing the next thing, without allowing space for presence or peace.
Ubud as Spiritual Kindergarten – Asmita
A couple weeks ago, when talking about how I held myself back here from stepping into my full potential - a friend said to me: "Ubud has a way of making you feel like you’re in spiritual kindergarten." I felt that. I was intimidated by the spiritual powerhouses around me, and I doubted my worth. I didn’t feel good enough to teach drop-in yoga in Ubud, in this place where everyone seemed so advanced. This was asmita - ego misidentification - showing up again: the belief that I had to be someone else to be worthy.
But things have started shifting.
Four weeks ago, I joined a weekly family night dinner where we cook together, connect, and share every Tuesday. This group has become a family. Three weeks ago, I began teaching yoga at Radiantly Alive. Two weeks ago, I ended a relationship I thought would last forever. It was a really quick romance but really intense and all encompassing. Born out of a traumatic incident and many years of friendship, with me imagining a future together in my villa in Bali. The ending of the relationship cracked me open.
My psychic Dan gave me a healing prescription: eat one passion fruit, drink bone broth, eat two dates, and practice Muay Thai every day. I followed it. As I cooked for myself, cut the coffee, and drank the broth, my skin responded - first glowing, then purging deeply with a lot of breakouts. I believe the purging is years of stress, instability, and emotional holding finally surfacing and releasing.
The gut and the skin are deeply connected. Through what’s called the gut-skin axis, gut imbalances can manifest as inflammation in the skin - acne, eczema, and more. By nourishing my gut with grounding food and healing rhythms, I am witnessing tangible transformation in my body (and like many things in life, I’m finding it gets worse before it gets better - which is ok). I can feel my inflammation right now is coming from a place of healing, which feels good.
Oddly, and unrelatedly, the gut and intuition have come up in both therapy and energy work this past week. My therapist Savi reminded me that the gut is the first organ to form in the womb. It holds our primal intelligence, our safety. She helped me differentiate between anxious attachment and gut instinct. Anxious attachment feels unsafe, urgent, and distorted. Gut Instinct feels grounded, quiet, and clear. When I act from intuition, I act from clarity - not fear.
Liron, my shamanic healer, taught me the word Tikkun - a Hebrew word, and a Jewish concept meaning spiritual repair.
Tikkun (תיקון) - repair or correction. The journey of healing the soul’s wounds.
Tikkun HaNefesh - repair of the soul. The internal work that brings us into alignment.
Tikkun Olam - repair of the world. When our healing ripples out to touch others.
This is where I am now: in my own process of tikkun. Healing the gut. Healing the soul. Healing the spaces around me.
A couple weeks ago I paid the next two years rent to live in this villa in Bali. In April, I built a yoga shala on the roof. In May, I built a shelving unit for all the yoga props. I also put in CCTV. Today, I spent a good chunk of time on IKEA.com filling up a shopping cart with all the things I want to buy for my house. Kitchenware, a new bench to sit and work on, even an adjustable standing desk and a desk chair. I thought to myself as I did this - wow - for the first time since I got to Bali, I am really setting up my life in my home. This is new.
My business is also being reorganized - launching new websites for Mindful Bali and Alcohol-Free Retreats (Stay tuned - theres behind the scenes logistical work that needs to happen with this!)But for the first time ever since I got to Bali, things feel stable. (I said to one of my students today that I actually feel like my old self again for the first time in months. Definitely feeling like my old self again for the first time since the start of 2025. For the first time in this house).
This, too, is yoga. Sthira sukham asanam - a posture (or life) that is steady and joyful. After years of movement, I’ve landed and I finally feel grounded in Bali.
And just in time for next week’s 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training to start.
And it feels beautiful.
Yay! I’m so glad you are staying in your home!