#116 The Trimurti and the Cycles of Relationship
How I'm stepping into something better for myself
Today I had my first session with my therapist and shamanic healer, Liron, since last week. At our last session, I was fuming over something small - Rory telling me that my watch wasn’t charged - and I was like “I can’t do this anymore.” (We were five days into dating officially and two days into co-leading a retreat together, lol).
Liron reminded me of something I always need to hear (but don’t always want to hear): when I’m triggered, it’s always about me.
I was blaming Rory - “He’s passive aggressive!” and “His ex was younger too!” But Liron turned the mirror on me. Gently, without me realizing, she asked:
“Why do you think you’re always dating older men?”
“Why do you think you tolerate passive-aggressive communication?”
Cue the inner work. (Or inner play, as Liron likes to say).
Luckily, we were literally in the middle of a retreat when this happened. I had the opportunity to move through it with yoga, meditation, and circles. By the end of the retreat I’d moved through and come to see that Rory & I are meant to be together. (I was happy to report this when I saw Liron this morning.)
What do I mean by that? “Meant to be together?”
It doesn’t mean that things will be conflict-free. As my friend Abz said to me almost a year ago, relationships are about triggering each other, and healing each other, and triggering each other, and healing each other. Over and over again. Liron says something similar. The entire point of being in a relationship is for our spiritual evolution. Otherwise, there’s no reason to be in it. But both people need to be onboard for this evolution.
Rory and I are both onboard for this evolution. And that is what makes us a good match.
This conversation last week was a powerful reminder of the roles we unconsciously play in relationships. I’ve talked about the Drama Triangle before (victim, rescuer, persecutor), but something clicked this time. These aren’t just psychological roles - they are deeply ingrained samskaras, or imprints on the mind, formed through early conditioning. They live in our subconscious, shaping how we show up in love and conflict.
I’ve had my share of emotionally abusive relationships. I now attend ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families), ITAA (Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous), and AA. These rooms offer small moments of deep recognition—like when someone recently said:
“When one parent is dysfunctional, both parents are.”
Mic drop. I realized that I had been focusing blame in one direction, without seeing how the whole family dynamic trained me to normalize dysfunction - particularly around communication. Growing up, if one parent missed dinner (which the parent often did), the other parent would coach us to give the silent treatment. Passive aggression became the language of conflict.
Now I see how I’ve absorbed and replicated these patterns. I tolerate what I shouldn’t, I freeze instead of expressing myself, and I sometimes engage in the same avoidance I resent in others.
So when I wanted to run from Rory last week, it wasn’t about him. It was about my inner child fearing abandonment or engulfment. I’m learning to stay. I’m learning to communicate clearly. I’m learning to set boundaries like:
Let’s try to tell each other what we need in clear, honest, transparent communication.
As Liron said, boundaries aren't the starting point - they're the last step. First comes awareness. The inner child must awaken to what she’s tolerating, recognize her own worth, and remember she’s here not just to heal, but to play.
This awareness brought me back to a deeper spiritual teaching: the Trimurti - the Hindu trinity of divine forces.
Brahma is the creator.
Vishnu is the sustainer.
Shiva is the destroyer.
Together, they represent the cycle of life: generation, organization, destruction—or as I’ve heard it beautifully reframed, G.O.D.
To have new beginnings in love and life, we must allow something else to end. Death, in this view, is never a finality. It’s a sacred doorway. In Bali, when someone passes, it’s seen as a transformation rather than a loss - an integration into the next phase. I wear a traditional Balinese bracelet tied around my wrist, a symbol of this ever-cycling nature of things. A reminder that all of life is ritual, and all endings are sacred beginnings.
In this season, I am allowing parts of myself to die:
The part that communicates via passive aggression.
The part that normalizes unhealthy dynamics.
The part that fears loneliness so much that she chooses unworthiness.
And I’m rebirthing new ways of relating:
With open communication.
With emotional maturity.
With aligned and mutual love.
This ties directly into our current theme in the Sutra Sangha: Avidyā (spiritual ignorance). When we forget our true nature, we fall into repetitive suffering. And next week’s theme, Asmitā (egoism), reminds us that both inflated and diminished self-views disconnect us from truth. As Patanjali teaches, “Yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind” (1.2), and only through clarity and discrimination (viveka-khyāti) can we dissolve the veils that keep us trapped.
(Our class schedule is here. We’d love to have you join us).
In Recovery with Yoga, Brian Hyman writes:
“Spiritual courage inspires us to accomplish tasks that may seem impossible without special assistance... including leaving an abusive relationship, speaking our innermost truth, or transforming our lives in other meaningful ways.”
He also reminds us that:
“Ahamkāra (ego) is the mistaken view of the self that separates us from truth.”
(Side Note: Brian was a guest on my podcast this week. You should listen to the episode here!)
My ego says: "You're too much."
My ego also says: "You're not enough."
But truth says: I am exactly who I need to be. And I am worthy of love that honors that truth.
So I keep walking. I keep burning down old temples and building new sanctuaries. I keep letting love evolve. I keep choosing myself, over and over again.
And from this place, maybe I can finally learn how to love someone else, not from fear, but from wholeness.
One Room Left on the Bali 200 Hour YTT In July!
In the last 24 hours, three more people have signed up for the Bali 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training this July (how wild!)
What this means is that there's officially only one room left in this program!
Here's the team:
I will be leading practices each day, leading the asana labs, and teaching history and philosophy of yoga.
My friend Jenn will be leading yin yoga, pranayama, subtle body anatomy, kirtans, and cacao/ecstatic dance. Jenn is a fellow Canadian who has lived nomadically between Bali, India, and everywhere else over the last ten years. She has taught on several of my YTTS with me.
My boyfriend Rory will be teaching all participants Vedic Meditation, and also leading Kirtan with us each night.
It's possible that (surprise!) Sarah Millman our community manager will be coming out to Bali from the US and teaching anatomy as well as some of the practices!
Here's what you can expect:
Daily sunrise yoga and meditation led by me or Jenn or Sarah
Lectures throughout the day on history, philosphy, anatomy, etc
You will walk away with a twice daily vedic meditation practice
You will learn a lot about yoga but you'll also be transformed as a person.
We want you in the circle. Amongst the group a lot of the participants are all different levels and abilities. It's a safe circle for you to be yourself, explore, learn, and discover. This it the last call. Grab the last spot before it sells out. See you in Bali. Book your spot here.
I love these stories - I often re-read them to fully absorb the meanings. Thank you!