Yesterday, someone sent me the following DM: “What prompted you to go AF? was there a specific reason or was it just for the greater good if I may put it like that?”
I love that this person asked me this question, because it occurred to me - I’ve written a lot about my journey to go alcohol free, but I’ve never written this - My Whys. Why did I go alcohol free?
It’s funny that I’ve never written this, because whenever anyone starts any sober coaching with me - whether it’s private or group coaching - the first thing I always ask them to do is make a list of their “Whys”.
So what were my whys?
There were hundreds of small reasons - many of which have evolved and changed and I’ve added and removed to over the time period since I've gone alcohol free. But when I first chose to go alcohol free, these were the key things driving the change:
Money:
I was constantly broke during the years leading up to going alcohol free. All of my friends and colleagues probably remember listening to me complain about how broke I was. The reason I was so broke, was because I was going out partying every weekend. It’s not just the cost of the alcohol that empties your wallet - it’s the cost of the taxi to and from the night out, all the food you eat while out, the takeaway you picked up at midnight, the takeout you ordered the next day to help you survive your hangover...that money adds up. And I was constantly walking around going “Abu Dhabi is the most expensive place to live ever!” without realizing that the real issue was “Partying in Abu Dhabi is the most expensive thing ever!”
Hangovers:
I could not handle being hungover. Hangovers make weekends awful. I was finding it increasingly difficult to do things like go workout in the morning the morning after partying. If you have wild nights, your weekend mornings suck.
Exhaustion:
Even if you’re not hungover from a big night out, I was constantly exhausted from drinking alcohol. Even one drink is proven to negatively impact your sleep. If you have one drink on a weeknight, whether or not you’re hungover or drunk, you’re already not having a full nights sleep. I was constantly exhausted.
Problematic:
Most of all, I had known for a long time that my drinking was problematic. And I just didn’t know how to address it. The idea of cutting back just didn’t work. I had to quit altogether.
What was most problematic about my alcohol consumption was that it was becoming habitual. Every night I’d reach for a glass of wine when I got home from work and every weekend I’d want to go out for drinks with friends.
And what was problematic about it? It was really negatively impacting my mental health.
Mental health:
This was my main reason why.
I find it extremely interesting that the links between alcohol & physical health seem widely understood and discussed, but the links between alcohol & mental health seem to be largely swept under the rug. Worst, people seem to think alcohol actually HELPS our mental health - “Had a hard day? Have a drink!” rather than having awareness of it’s negative impacts. I have struggled with my mental health ever since I was a child, and interestingly, the time period in which it largely worsened correlates with the time period in which I got more and more into partying around ages 15-18.
In pictures of me during my partying years, I look super happy and I'm smiling. But in reality, I was not very happy. I went in and out of counselors and therapists office and what no one ever said to me was - the science and correlation between my depression & the fact that alcohol is a depressant. Therapists and doctors would suggest I should drink less but glaze over the reasons why. I didn’t fully understand that the way I was feeling directly correlated to what I was consuming.
What I understand now is this: small amounts of alcohol can cause a euphoric feeling, but large amounts of alcohol can trigger mental health issues - depression, anxiety and other issues. Not only does alcohol affect the chemistry of the brain by disrupting neurotransmitters and interfering with our hormonal system, the regular issues that occur when drinking alcohol - like strains on our finances, relationships, etc - can also lead to feelings of stress, sadness and despair.
So my biggest "Why" was my mental health. And if you're thinking of quitting due to mental health as well, I have to give you a harsh truth: when I first quit, my mental health got worse before it got better. For the first 11 or so days, I remember crying all the time, having panic attacks, and feeling just as depressed as I did when I was drinking alcohol. The key thing here is PERSISTENCE - TRUST that it will get better. Your brain is recalibrating. You’re going to really want to grab a drink to help manage this - but that’s just the addictive aspects of alcohol talking. You have to trust that you don’t need the booze. You have to believe in the process.
The key things I did during this time were: lots of exercise (endorphins, yay!). Lots of yoga. Lots of talking to people I loved. Lots of writing. Lots of music. Lots of healing.
I would say it was about 2 weeks total of feeing worse, before week 3 when I felt 10000 times better. I became that annoying person that kept posting things on her instagram story like “Sunrise yoga!” “Life is beautiful!” “Live laugh love!” lol. And because of this, I remember when I was explaining my sobriety about four months into it, one of my friends said to me “It was so easy for you.”
And what made my angry about that was that it was not "so easy." Just because I carried it well and didn’t show the struggles, doesn’t mean that the struggles weren’t there. I just choose to teach and talk about the positives going alcohol free has brought to my life. Because I don’t really want to linger in the darkness.
We all have different “Whys” when going alcohol free. There's no right or wrong. What are your reasons why?
I think the most helpful thing you can do when going alcohol free is take time to identify your "Whys". Hold them close. Pull them out whenever you need to. They'll help remind you of why you're doing what you're doing.
And if you are struggling with your mental health, I highly recommend giving alcohol free a try. It helped me immensely. I have several tools in my tool kit for my own mental health these days but one of them is sobriety.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. I promise.
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